I Am Currently Experiencing An Apple Crisis And Desperately Need The Internet's Help

Matt Cardy. Getty Images.

I'd like to take a quick break from the Media Day and NBA preseason blogs that I know you all have been craving these last few weeks to ask for the internet's help. I honestly don't know where else to look with this current situation I find myself in, so I figured what better way than a bunch of internet strangers who more often than not say mean things to me in the comment sections of my blogs. I'm sorry the Celtics are such a wagon (no I'm not) and that may upset you, but please put that aside for the sake of this blog. 

As I've blogged before, the older and more washed I get the more I find interest in/enjoy things that a younger me didn't give two shits about. Doing house chores? Weirdly therapeutic. Cooking pretty much every night? Actually enjoyable. It's a bit terrifying as I get older and older and further away from my younger years

Which brings me to my current dilemma. Earlier this summer I found myself basically become addicted to Honeycrisp apples. I couldn't stop eating them and for my money, they are the top of the food chain in the Apple World. Every single night I'd find myself crushing 1-2 apples (which are kept in the fridge so they'd be extra cold), plus my dog loves them so that was an added bonus. I'd buy 6-8 apples every time I went to the grocery store so I would be fully stocked whenever the craving hit.

Never in my life did I ever think I'd have a Honeycrisp apple addiction, but again, I'm learning this is all part of the being washed experience. In the mood for a snack? Honeycrisp. Need a dessert after dinner? Honeycrisp. Get a little fucked up and want a sweet treat? Honeycrisp. Not only are they extremely delicious, but you also don't feel like a pile of shit after crushing a few. Dare I say it's the perfect snack/apple.

Which brings me to my dilemma. I'm not sure what the hell is going on, but I cannot find Honeycrisp apples anywhere. Suddenly, none of the grocery stores by me have them, Sprouts didn't have them, yet I'm seeing a billion other options to choose from. I'm not exactly up to speed on what's going on in the Apple Game, but what the hell? Every time I go, the display always looks like this

I guess I assume it has something to do with harvesting or some other bullshit, but I've now gone full Tyrone Biggums when it comes to these apples

Now you may be saying to yourself

"Big deal Greenie, just pick a different apple"

which is the exact reason I am writing this blog and asking for your help. Picking a new apple you've never had before is stressful as fuck. What if it sucks? Not all apples are created equal in my opinion, so selecting a fill-in apple until my beloved Honeycrisps come back is a big decision. 

For example, that Sweet Tango Apple in that picture? That sounds appealing, but I've also never heard of that type before so I didn't pull the trigger. I figured let's crowdsource this and get an idea of what people consider delicious non-Honeycrisp apples and maybe that will scratch my itch. I threw this question out on Twitter but I'd like some additional suggestions

What's the deal with Fuji apples? Is that guy full of shit or onto something? Pink Ladies? Empires? Red Delicious? Granny Smith?

I'm not looking for anything to use in baking or anything like that. Just a delicious apple I can throw in my fridge and crush as a snack/dessert on a nightly basis. I know there are stoolies who clicked on this blog that either

A) Have kids so they buy a shit ton of apples and are familiar with which ones are the best

B) Are similarly as washed as I am and have already gone down this journey

Is this a random blog? Yes. But this is serious business in my household at the moment, so let's hear what you got.