That time Pete Rose showered with Joe DiMaggio
I was saddened to hear that Pete Rose passed away earlier today at the age of 83, but I wouldn't dare write about his exploits on the ballfield because I don't have the desire or skillset to do so.
Klemmer does, so he wrote a touching and fact-filled tribute about an hour ago. Here it is…
I do, however, feel extremely comfortable when talking about history, and there is a Pete Rose story I have told multiple times on Twisted History that I am going to share again on the eve of his passing.
This story has also been told by Pete many times and the details always change slightly, but the crux of the story remains the same, so I will share it with you now to the best of my ability…
It takes place in the jungles of Vietnam with Pete Rose and Joe DiMaggio entertaining the troops in and around Saigon for 23 days with the USO during the Vietnam War. On one leg of the tour, they were stationed DEEP in the jungle, just beyond the ridgeline of an active battlefield, and Pete and Joe had to share a makeshift jungle shower.
Apparently, showering in the jungle was a two-man job with one guy feeding buckets of water into a basin above the head of the other guy and then the two would switch places while the other washed up.
Pete was the first guy to man the buckets, and although he was in a jungle/battlefield with bullets whizzing by less than 50 yards away, the only thing Pete Rose really remembers from that night was the size of Joe Dimaggio's dick which he would describe later as such…
"It was very dark in that jungle shower, but when Joe first stepped into the stall, all I could see was a giant penis with Joe DiMaggio hanging off the side of it.”
That explains the nickname "Joe D", and explains how the Yankee Clipper landed the most beautiful woman in the world.
And before I go, I'll tell a story about another recently dead sports legend.
This afternoon, Greenie wrote a touching tribute to the recently deceased Dikembe Mutombo…
Again, I am not well-versed in Dikembe's stats on the court or his good deeds off of it, but like many of you, I am very well-versed in his favorite pickup line.
Legend has it that the 7'2" monster from Africa would walk into any crowded party with his outstretched arms revealing his 7'6" wingspan while shouting to the women in the room…
"Who wants to sex Mutombo?!?!?!"
Inevitably, some lucky lady (with a cavernous uterus) would accept Mount Mutombo's invitation, and off they'd go to have consensual sex… Fucking legend (literally).
Dikembe has said on a few occasions that this story was untrue while teammates in the NBA and classmates from Georgetown swear it's the truth. So it's up to you to decide whether or not you want to believe it.
Either way, the world is a whole lot emptier today with those two characters no longer in it.
Rest in peace, kings.
Take a report.
-Large