I'd like a word...

The more I travel and learn about different cultures, the more impressed I become… Particularly regarding their languages.

Comedian Dennis Miller might have been the first person to introduce me to the German word "schadenfreude" which we all know by now means 'pleasure derived by someone from another person's misfortune.' I'm assuming the Germans developed this word back in the 1930s when they spent an inordinate amount of time causing a couple of groups in particular a TREMENDOUS amount of misfortune. 

Back when I was trading stocks, we had something close to schadenfreude. We had "tears trades" or trades that were profitable because of someone else's misfortune (you were essentially drinking tears). So maybe you bought Pike Electric (ticker PKE) before hurricane season because you knew they replaced utility poles in areas ravaged by natural disasters. Or maybe you made a pretty penny investing in a company that makes bulletproof backpacks in the wake of school shootings. Either way, the feeling of joy you inevitably get from a profitable trade was a bastardized version of schadenfreude because it came at the expense of someone else's suffering.

Another example: Collectively, I have easily spent YEARS of my life happily tucked under the covers of a warm bed long after it’s time to get up. Father's Day is a perfect example- While everyone else is headed off to brunch with their families, I force myself (with the help of drugs) to stay in bed ALL FUCKING DAY. I take the bare minimum in visits from my wife and kids and take all my meals in the prone position.

I went back and forth with ways to describe this blowoff of a day, until a couple of years ago when I learned the Scottish have an actual word that describes it perfectly…

"Hurkle-Durkle" is an old Scottish word meaning to lie in bed after it is time to get up and get going.

I like that.

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Ewan- "What's the plan for this weekend, Angus?"

Angus- "Well, you filthy cunt, the wife and kids are away, so I'll probably just hurkle durkle for a bit and then watch Braveheart for the 1,000th time."

.

Winds up, we've all been hurkle durkling for most of our lives but never knew it.

Max Mumby/Indigo. Getty Images.

Yet another example: Last week, I dropped a brand new episode of Twisted History… 

This episode's topic is "Japanese Customs and Traditions", and, in my research, I found several Japanese words that have no English counterpart, but I wish they did… I won't go through them all, but I will certainly give you 2 of my favorites…

The first is Kuchisabishii which literally translates into ‘mouth lonely’ and describes when you eat out of boredom rather than hunger. This is not to be confused with "Mokushoku" which is the Japanese word for eating alone. Instead, Kuchisabishii means you have nothing better to do, so, even though you're not hungry, you eat to battle boredom. I experience a similar phenomenon in hotels where I masturbate multiple times a day because there is nothing better to do in Wheeling, West Virginia and you still have 4 hours to kill before you and Frank The Tank have to host a Rough N Rowdy weigh-in…

And finally, Bakku-shan… A word in Japanese that describes a woman who appears attractive from behind but not from the front. 

RyanJLane. Getty Images.

I am not sure we have an exact match to that in English… Sure, we throw around the term "butter face" usually for a woman with a great uniform and an AWFUL helmet, but sometimes also for a man who has a great physique but a face that looks like he ran a 40-yard dash in a 30-yard gym. 

Bakku-shan is a little more specific… Bakku-shan is referring to females only, but not only their faces.

Perhaps a bakku-shan has an ass that resembles two perfect eggs wrapped in a handkerchief AND her face is stunning, BUT the rest of her front looks like a mudslide.

In short, someone who is Bakku-shan is good from afar but far from good, and I will no longer hurkle durkle or experience any schadenfreude when I say I'd like to add it to our lexicon.

Take a report.

-Large