Embracing the Dark Arts: Why Arsenal Should Keep Playing the Villain

You can’t shit this stuff up. This is exactly why I’ve fallen in love with the Premier League. We have professional clubs worth hundreds of millions—some even billions—of dollars making legitimate claims that another team is using “dark arts” to win a game. It’s like when you’re getting your ass kicked in NBA 2K and start asking your opponent to show you their sliders. Just because you can’t stop Gabriel from beating his marker and heading the ball into the back of the net doesn’t mean Arsenal is using “dark arts” to score goals. What it really means is that you’re being outclassed by Mikel Arteta.

Some Arsenal fans (looking at you, Zah) are throwing a hissy fit over these accusations. Me? I’m embracing it. I LOVE being the bad guy. I love that everyone in the league is so scared of us that they’re coming together, waving their arms around, and casting spells in the air—just like when Voldemort and his gremlins stormed Hogwarts.

I want teams to fear us. I want them second-guessing themselves for the entire 90 minutes. Any great team, in any sport, has the power to intimidate their opponent, and that’s exactly what Arsenal is doing right now. 

I’ve been watching the Vince McMahon documentary on Netflix, and he said something that stuck with me: “It doesn’t matter how you want to be perceived. It’s about making the most of how people perceive you.” So, if I’m Mikel Arteta, I’m not trying to kill this “dark arts” narrative—I’m embracing it.

Let everyone think we’ve got secret potions brewing at the Emirates. Let them believe we’re working dark magic on the pitch. Because when teams walk out of that tunnel already worrying about what sneaky trick we’ll pull next, we’ve already won half the battle.

For a more heated debate on this topic check out the latest episode of Pitch Picks!