Forget Derrick Henry; Jerry Jones is So Broke He Couldn't Afford Rex Ryan

Wesley Hitt. Getty Images.

What an existence Jerry Jones is living these days. Even three decades removed from the last time the franchise he owns and runs doing anything significant in the postseason, the man just will not, cannot, stop being the center of attention. 

This week, Jones made a splash by claiming he didn't sign Derrick Henry, who has just taken a chainsaw to his team with 174 combined yards, because he didn't have the money. 

Hearing Jerruh cry poor mouth, plus hearing the clumsy house/mansion analogy out of the mouth of a billionaire lizard person who owns a $2 billion stadium built by the taxpayers, sent the footballosphere into apoplexy:

To be clear, despite the massive/desperate deals the Cowboys shelled out to keep Dak Prescott and CeeDee Lamb, they still enjoy the seventh most cap room in the league, at just shy of $24 million. Jones could've argued that they don't have a pressing need for Henry (stupid), he's not good any more (see Sunday's game), or argue he's not a system fit (nonsense). But to claim he simply couldn't afford him is just a lie. Bold-faced, bald-faced, or barefaced, take your pick. 

Then again, maybe we're all wrong about this. Maybe money is actually tight at One Cowboys Way. Because according to Rex Ryan, Jones wanted him to coach his defense. But he chose the cheaper and much, much worse brand:

USA Today - "I could've fixed [the Cowboys' defense] in a New York minute," Rex Ryan told ESPN's DiPietro and Rothenberg. "But, that being said, they couldn't pony up the money, or I would've been there." …

Instead, Dallas hired Mike Zimmer, whose last NFL job was as the head coach of the Minnesota Vikings from 2014-2021. The Cowboys are 1-2 to start the season, and their defense ranks 30th in scoring (29.7 points allowed per game), 28th in total yardage allowed (372.7 yards per game) and dead last in rushing yardage (185.7 rushing yards per game).

Ryan, who has been an ESPN analyst since 2017, went as far as to criticize the Zimmer hire on the ESPN radio show.

"You brought in a guy that was 29th in the league his last two years at Minnesota, the enthusiasm he brings when he left, that's the guy that's gonna inspire you? This can go really bad for Dallas," he said.

Those are bold words, indeed. And since Sexy Rexy has been the hero of every story he's ever told, it's tempting to just discount them as mere ego. 

But the facts kind of speak for themselves. It's hard to imagine that Jones' first choice was Mike Zimmer. The Discount Ryan. The Other Leading Coordinator Brand. Ryan is clearly bitter and is being petty and all. But there's no lie in what he's saying. And the results so far are very much what they've been in his last gig. So he's right about that. 

You have to assume that if Jones couldn't afford Ryan, that he's really destitute. Or just a cheap old asshole. As far as which is worse, your mileage may vary. All I can add is that it's not like Rex's salary demands could've been prohibitively expensive. After all, he hasn't been on a sideline in eight years. Sure, he's got his ESPN gig. It's not a lot of heavy lifting. And he's good at it. But Disney can't be paying him much while they're laying off people by the thousands every few months. Besides, Ryan is a competitor. He craves being in the arena. And the attention, fame, and glory that comes with it. He'd probably coach for room and board if the situation was right. But things in Dallas are so toxic these days, he actually wanted to earn a living. One that the billionaire weirdo couldn't afford. 

Sad. Just a sad, sad situation. Let this be a lesson to all you gentlemen out there with aspirations of becoming billionaires yourselves someday. Be careful out there:

As Roy Hobbs put it, "Some mistakes you never stop paying for."