I Have Created The Perfect Calendar

So everyone kind of knows me as "the perfect phases guy." I talked about this last year, but it came up again on The Bracket recently in honor of Phase 6 starting last week. So I figured I would remind people what the actual calendar should be. Not months. Not seasons. But 8 phases that perfectly encapsulate the different moods and mindsets of the year. As a little added treat to this blog, I will also officially be naming and ranking the phases so that we can get started on making the official calendar!

Phase 1: "New Beginnings"

This phase starts the day you go back to work after New Year's, usually like January 2nd or 3rd, and lasts until mid-February, we will say the day after the Super Bowl. This is when people tell themselves they're going to change for the new year. They get a gym membership. They go on a diet. They read a book. They start knitting or pick up some weird hobby. You have some optimism of "new year, new me" and if you're a sports fan, you also have playoff football which makes things a little bit less shitty.

Phase 2: "Gloom"

This is the worst part of the year. It goes from the day after the Super Bowl until it starts to get warmer in spring, right around St. Patrick's Day and the start of the NCAA tournament. This is just a month of seasonal depression. You've given up on all those goals to better yourself. The weather is absolutely miserable. There's barely any sports on. It's just depression day in and day out as you struggle to get yourself out of bed every morning. 

Phase 3: "Optimism"

This goes from late March to the Friday of Memorial Day Weekend. It starts with that first warm weather day, which is arguably the best day of the year, that usually coincides with St. Patrick's Day celebrations and the beginning of the NCAA Tournament. Things are finally looking up. Weather is warmer. You're going outside with a lighter jacket or hell maybe no jacket at all! You're watching one thousands college basketball games. Baseball starts. It's an overall great time of the year that makes you excited and optimistic for the year ahead, as you celebrate finally being done with the dark days of winter. 

Phase 4: "Euphoria"

This is hands down the best time of the year. This starts Memorial Day Weekend and goes through the Fourth Of July. It's the official start of summer. The weather is warmer. You're drinking on rooftop bars. You're excited for the summer ahead. If you're in school, this is typically when you get off. People usually haven't started taking their summer trips yet so it's easier to make plans with people. The NBA Finals and Stanley Cup are going on. It's just a magical stretch of time. 

Phase 5: "Summer 2"

The name is certainly a work in progress, but this is basically the latter half of summer and kind of the heart of summer. From after the Fourth of July through Labor Day Weekend. This is when people typically start their vacations, going away a lot of weekends and leaving the city if they live in one. It's the summer so it's obviously great but it can be a little hard to make plans with people. And towards the end of this stretch in August, it starts to feel like the "Sunday of summer" with people dreading going back to school. I personally prefer the first half of summer, but you can't deny this is still a fantastic time of year. 

Phase 6: "Normalcy"

This phase has a clear beginning with the Tuesday after Labor Day. Back to reality. Back to normal life. As a kid, you dread this time of year because it means that school is starting, but as an adult you really learn to love and appreciate it. Football is back. The intense heat dies down and you've got some brisk autumnal days. Apple picking season. Halloween. Playoff baseball. This goes until Thanksgiving week. I don't know how to describe it exactly, but to me, this is kind of the most "normal" part of the year and encapsulates life at its purest form. Some people argue this should be broken up into two phases since September has started to feel more like summer, but to me September is absolutely the fall. Also 9 phases of the year just doesn't work as well as 8 phases. 

Phase 7: "The Holidays"

This starts when you go home for Thanksgiving, usually that Wednesday, and lasts through Christmas day. This one feels very clear. It's just the holiday season. Shopping for gifts, decorating for Christmas, seeing the family, drinking eggnog, etc. Some people love the holidays, some people hate the holidays. But it's undeniable, this is the holidays. 

Phase 8: "Limbo"

This is that weird week between Christmas and New Year's that feels like a bend in the space-time continuum. Some people say this shouldn't be its own phase, but again, I like having 8 phases, and also I do think this really is a very unique feeling that deserves its own phase despite it's brevity. A lot of people are off during this time and just sitting on their couch. It's good because it's relaxing, but can also be a bit sad as you're reflecting on the year. Either way, I think it's distinct enough to get its own phase. 

My Official Rankings

8th: Phase 2 - "Gloom"

7th: Phase 1 - "New Beginnings" 

6th: Phase 8 - "Limbo"

5th: Phase 7 -  "The Holidays"

4th: Phase 3 - "Optimism"

3rd: Phase 5 - "Summer 2"

2nd: Phase 6 - "Normalcy"

1st: Phase 4 - "Optimism" 

So there's our official new calendar. I think I have to create one of these myself before some girl does it and sells it on Etsy.