I Made a List of Offseason Demands. Let's See How Well the Patriots Met Them.

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The second week of January was a difficult time for all of us. A moment of great uncertainty. Like anyone who had just suffered a great loss, we didn't know what the future held. Not in the long term. Not even how we were going to get through the next day. 

Personally, I reacted like people do when they're going through the Kubler-Ross Stages of Grief. I began bargaining. Or, to put it more accurately, I did what 3-year-olds, terrorists, and bank robbers do after a heist goes tits up and they have to take hostages: I issued demands:

But even then I admitted these were more like requests, but "demands" is a buzzword that produces more clicks. Also, I was in no position to demand anything since I had nothing to bargain with. (Unless I pulled the Blazing Saddles "Help me! Help me!" gag. And Mr. Kraft didn't fall for that when Connecticut tried to get him to move there, so it wouldn't have worked.)I apologize for nothing.

Well as of today, we more or less have the Patriots 53-man roster set for Week 1 at Cincinnati. 

Making this the ideal time to go through my list and see how the hostage negotiators I've been dealing with did at giving me what I wanted:

No Clown Shows

We've all seen the kinds of coaches and executives who read their reviews. By that I mean, who care how they're received by the media and fans. So they play up to the cameras. Try to come up with clever, memorable witticisms. Or bend over backwards to sound profound. Or go out of their way to demonstrate they're tough, non-nonsense hardos. … Just be yourselves and not some fake image you're trying to project and everything will be fine.

The coaches and executives I was referring to obviously turned out to be Jerod Mayo, Eliot Wolf, and the staffs they've built. Like all of us, I've taken issue with some mixed messaging. Especially lately around things Mayo has said about the Drake Maye vs. Jacoby Brissett dynamic. But at no point has he or Wolf tingled that Spidey Sense we all have to detect when someone's being phony, or disingenuous, or playing to the cameras. Which has never, ever worked in this market. (Just ask Rick Pitino.) And sometimes they've been guilty of oversharing. But at no point have I gotten the impression they're being anything but their authentic selves and are shooting straight. 

Grade: B

The GM and Coach Need to be a Package Deal…

For 24 years, our GM and HC have been the same person, and I'll argue it worked out great. Until it didn't. It's perfectly fine to have two separate humans doing those superhuman jobs. But they have to be of one mind. … Whoever works above Mayo has to work with him. And vice versa. They need to be like that jar of Smuckers that had the peanut butter and jelly in the same jar. Only not horrible like that trash is.

Presumably, from the outside looking in, this has appeared to be the case. Wolf and Mayo were reportedly co-counsels as they interviewed assistant coaches and throughout the draft process. Mayo seems to have delegated the offensive duties to Alex Van Pelt, and Wolf has signed his former players, like Brissett. He resigned pretty much the entire young core of Mayo's defense to extensions. While trading away Matthew Judon after he and Mayo had one of those "We're not fighting! We're having a discussion!" arguments on the practice field. It's way too soon to tell. And you really only find out about friction inside an organization after the fact, once things go completely sideways. So far, so good though. 

Grade: B+

We Need a New Offensive System …

The Erhardt-Perkins system has served us well. So did the Saturn V rocket that sent men to the moon, but they still mothballed it eventually. … And unless everyone can [learn the system], the moon rocket becomes a bloody contraption that one one can fly because they can't read the manual. … Complexity can be a good thing. Look at the success Kyle Shanahan has had in San Francisco with a handful of different signal callers despite all the motions and shifts he employs. Because however his concepts are packaged, coached and practiced, his guys can execute it without having to understand quantum mechanics. I want one of those. 

I got what I asked for. A version of the West Coast run by a guy who's a twig off the Shanahan coaching tree. Maybe not the specific guy I wanted, since AVP hasn't actually called the plays for any length of time since he was with Buffalo 15 years ago. And the conventional wisdom is that he was let go in Cleveland because the system there was becoming to stale and predictable, and Kevin Stefanski watched his other assistants go elsewhere (Drew Petzing to Arizona) and start adding their own wrinkles. But the underlying wish that the Pats scrap the system they'd been using since 2000 was granted. And so far the young receivers they're building around seem to be grasping it. Which was a very rare occurence over the previous 24 years. All we can do is wait to see if it succeeds.

Grade: A

No More Shopping in the Discount Store for Offensive Linemen

Offensive line was a glaring need on this team for the past two years. This past year, the most glaring need was tackle. Highly regarded tackles were available in the draft. … Dollar General off-brand tackles for the franchise on a budget. Reilly Reiff. Conor McDermott. Vederian Lowe. Does anyone else remember the Calvin Anderson era? You don't have to get a tackle with the No. 3 pick. And goodness knows this team has a tradition of finding very good interior linemen in the sweet spot around the 4th round. But it can't be neglected another season. At the very least, we need next Matt Light or Sebastian Vollmer Round 2 home run. To do anything less would be dereliction of duty.

No need to mince words here. 

Grade: F

The Roster Needs to Make More Sense

I'm still astonished that the Pats still haven't made a concerted effort to replace James White, who retired two summers ago. This offense always ran through an elite slot receiver and a 3rd down back. Demario Douglas may very well be the former. No one on the roster is positioned to be the latter.

I listed other needs, but rather than get lost in the weeds, I'll just present this current 53:

… and say I like the balance of it. Three QBs. Three RBs, with Antonio Gibson as the 3rd down guy. Seven WRs, reflecting an 11-personnel attack. And 12 DBs, several of them versatile hybrid S/LB types in order to operate out of the base nickel which has become their every down scheme. No issues with this.

Grade: B+

Stop Having So Many Special Team Specialists

The idea of dedicating roster spots to Core-4 special teamers looks pret-tay, pret-tay, pret-tay genius when it's working. When they're making a difference, giving you a competitive advantage, flipping the field, and winning you games. When you've got one of the worst units in the league and you're 4-13, it's maddening. Ask your average Pats fan to recount for you one play that Chris Board made all season. We all should be able to, because he took 406 snaps.  …  Going forward, keep a long snapper, a kicker, a punter, and Schooler. But train him up as a goal line defender, the way they did Nate Ebner.

Need I say more? 

Grade: A+

No More Reaches in the Draft

The drafting of special teamers brings me to this. I get that the professional draft guru class and the mock draft sites don't have it right. Not often. Probably not ever. But I'm done with off-the-wall, way-too-early selections no one could've possibly seen coming when they did. To put a name and some faces to it, I don't want to see this reaction ever again:

There's no need to re-cite the examples I cited. By now they are as familiar in our mouths as household names. (That was me slipping in a line from the "St. Crispian's Day" speech. That's the Old Balls Difference.) And this past draft, not only did they fail to take a special teamer they could've signed as a UDFA or pull a single name out of their prison wallet that made everyone wonder what they're thinking, all nine of their draft picks made the roster. That's a rare occurrence in these parts. And yes, it might reflect the reality that it's a lot easier to make a 4-13 team than one that goes to the conference championship game every year. So there's no reason to get out over our skis just because Joe Milton is a 3rd string, long-term project and Jaheim Bell will be on the practice squad. But so far it's hard to argue anyone they took qualifies as "a wasted pick." Which is more than we can say for Chad Ryland (4th round, 112 overall) or Antonio Mafi (5th, 144). Not to mention, they didn't dick around with the No. 3 pick, addressing the most crucial area of need by taking the franchise quarterback I wanted. Again, so far, so good.

Grade: B+

So I guess this leaves the Wolf-Mayo Administration with a passing grade at this point. One dragged down enormously by the heavy weight of the failure to add a professional offensive tackle or two. There's no scaling the test when you've botched a crucial area of need so spectacularly. So the best I can do is give them an overall Grade: C+.

The good news for Wolf and Mayo is the real semester is just about to start. And there's always extra credit available.