Can't Do That To A Legend: Rick Pitino Is Begging For Someone To Buy Him A New Sword After Two Lunatics Broke Into His Office And Stole One

You know how crazy you gotta be to break into Rick Pitino's office in general? That's before you steal stuff - including a sword. If there's one thing in life I know it's you don't steal a sword from Rick Pitino. You want that man pissed off at you? Have you watched two seconds of a game? This is a man who is willing to die before he loses a game again

Not enough? How about threats to chop someone up in 7 pieces? 

That's the guy you want to mess with? Now they have been caught, but still, a sword is missing. So what does Pitino do? The logical thing, reach out to the biggest booster (and possible investor in Sports E-Cyclopedia): 

Savvy business move by Pitino here. I need to know more about this sword though. What sort of sword are we talking about here? How does one come across a ceremonial sword and was it signed by anyone? 

All that said, I got a bone to pick with St. John's here. How do you not have Pitino's office on 24/7 surveillance? I'm not even talking about just cameras, there should be a man standing outside there at all times. You need to request meetings to get in there and talk to Pitino. Can't claim you're the college of New York if your legendary head coach is getting robbed. Someone just get Pitino a new sword or there will be hell to pay. That's a promise.