It's Extremely Unfortunate For VP Nominee JD Vance To Even Ask About Swiss Cheese While Ordering A Cheesesteak In Philly

[Editor's Note: THIS IS NOT A POLITICAL BLOG. If you want Barstool thoughts on this election/politics, please turn to the X account of Dante Jack Mac our fearless leader @stoolpresidente. I am a nobody who is simply discussing Swiss Cheese on Cheesesteaks.]

Real Journalism 101: No, JD Vance did not commit political Seppuku by trying to order Swiss Cheese on a Cheesesteak within the Philly city limits. In fact, the Philadelphia Inquirer already made a correction to their article. He simply asked along the lines of why we hate it/why isn't it available, possibly to take a timely 20+ year shot at 2004 Presidential nominee John Kerry who disgustingly ordered Swiss on a cheesesteak at Pat's:

Firstly, would anyone ordering Swiss Cheese on their Cheesesteak in The City Of Brotherly Love dare we say…weird? Yes. Yes it is. Should it matter? Hell no. This is America. I enjoy provolone or American on my meat. John Kruk does mayo (seriously). If anyone wants to ask for Swiss Cheese on their Cheesesteak and it ain’t hurting anyone, go nuts. Now, to answer the Senator from Ohio's question, why don't they have Swiss Cheese at Pat's? Well, the logical response is it objectively takes like shit. But the more blunt and unfortunate answer for Vance would be that Philadelphia (eh, Mayfair) may be the only place in the world who infamously had someone put Swiss Cheese over their dick to sexually terrorize innocent people - AKA The Swiss Cheese Pervert: 

And for a VP candidate who already has to deal with an array of jokes about possible holes in his couch, well, use your imagination. Or don't, actually. Definitely don't. But credit to Vance for being told to be normal and snagging a Wiz Wit. Can't go wrong with the locals for that order. Now don't get cocky and start attempting simple, literate E-A-G-L-E-S chants for votes, Vance. Just a recipe for disaster. Not even our own PA politicians can pretend to assimilate amongst 99% of the population in the Delaware Valley.