If One Direction Breaks Up I May Kill Everyone

(Source) — The chart-topping boy band which now consists of Harry Styles, Liam Payne, Niall Horan, and Louis Tomlinson, after fifth member Zayn Malik quit in March, are taking some time out from their group, to focus on themselves. “They’ll have a proper rest next summer,” a source confirms to Us. But while the British hunks are planning some down time, reportedly due to start in March, and will not be touring after the release of their fifth album, our source insists this is not the end of One Direction, and the boys will be getting back together in the future.

Every one is freaking out about the stock market this morning, but not me. I’m too busy freaking out about One Direction breaking up. I’m sure some tough guys will do the usual “Feits their music is so gay bro” nonsense, they’re the same idiots who would yell that NSYNC and Backstreet Boys were gay then go home and jerkoff to the Bye, Bye, Bye music video. But the fact of the matter is that One Direction is the greatest band alive. They do absolutely nothing but put out hits, hits and more hits. If they break up for real it will be the most devastating thing to happen to this generation and I say that with a straight face as everyone’s 401k circles the drain.

PS – To the people who laugh at Barstool for not having health insurance or 401ks or any adult stuff, who’s the idiot now?