Guy in the Green Monster Seats Lives Every Fan's Worst Nightmare, Then Gets Positively Emasculated by His Wife

If you were watching this in real time as I was last night, then you had to have felt for this guy. Not sympathy, mind you. This moment called for revulsion. Excruciating levels of second hand embarrassment. There is simply no coming back from sitting in the front row of the Monster Seats, getting both hands on a ball, and not only not making the catch, but letting it slip through your buttered popcorn fingers and back onto the field is the purest form of humiliation imaginable.

I consider myself a man of few regrets. But one I do have is that never in my life have I gotten a foul ball. Just once I want to experience the pure, manly satisfaction of tracking the flight off the barrel of the bat, zeroing in on the trajectory, and making the grab while all around me duck and cover. Yet tragically, I've never come closer than three or four seats. And I will probably take that regret to my grave. 

But this poor, wretched soul didn't miss some screaming line drive or errant pop up in a crowded grandstand. He was front row. It came right to him. And he called for it despite sitting with two ladies who each had gloves on. He ball hogged it away from them, like Kelly Leak when Buttermaker told him to start catching everything he could get to:

Except the Bears best player made every grab. This guy blew the one opportunity of his life time with 35,000 pairs of eyes and a half dozen NESN cameras focused squarely on him. 

But even as they showed replay after replay from every angle, his troubles were only beginning. His wife was having none of some Tammy Wynette "Stand by Your Man" scenario:

Look, you might argue that a wife should always be there to support her husband. Especially when he's suffering his worst moments and the whole world is against him. And in theory, you'd be right. Most of the time. Tim Abraham got from Carmella exactly what he needed, which is tough love. 

She's not in some Mennonite sect where the wife is to be seen and not heard. She's a woman of the 21st century. She came prepared. She had her equipment. She was dialed in. And the only thing between her and permanent glory was her spouse's clumsy pizza paddle hands. And Carmella was in no mood to get scapegoated. 

And in the long run, Tim will be better for it. Yes, it's great to have your wife's unwavering support. But there's more benefit to having one who's willing to call you out when you screw up. To expect better out of you. To hold you up to a high standard and inspire you to be all that you can be. A better man. A better provider. A better catcher of home run balls. So good for you, Carmella. And with her love and encouragement, hopefully he'll make the play if there happens to be a next time. Unfortunately, I think we all realize you only get one shot like this per lifetime, and he dropped his. But at least he's winning at life.