Reflection Time: All The Ways I've Been The Worst Guy To Drink With
We did the "worst drunk guy" draft on Monday and I found myself going quiet, thinking, and...feeling shame. I've got a 20 year drinking career and, well, I've nearly touched them all. Let's go through the list.
1) The Fighter---Never been the fighter. Not in my nature. Not really ever trying to endure physical pain. Having said that...there have been times in my youth where I escalated situations where I didn't need to.
2) Guy Who Wants To Drive---nope
3) Vandalizer---a general rule for life I have is that I don't want to make anyone's life unnecessarily harder. Vandalizing property falls in that category. Also...kind of a pussy when it comes to committing petty crimes. Can't do it.
4) Jekyll/Hyde--- Ummm...does uncontrollable dancing count?
5) Close talker---probably
6) Rude to bartender/waittress---nothing more than passive aggressive eyeroll, see reasons to answer #3
7) Puker---Historically...big puker. Huge. The Mayor of Puke city. Basically all of my early drinking involves or ends with me puking. OAR concert back in the day...I was in a cab (not an uber, that's how long ago this was) sitting middle between two girls (beta) and puked in my own lap on the way to the concert after drinking straight vodka from a water bottle on the Metra UP-West line from Geneva got the better of me. Never made it to the concert. I once puked on Angels and Apple TV baseball Announcer, Wayne Randazzo, in a St Charles Bar on Black Wednesday. Threw up my first drink of the night at the pregame for my college girlfriend's fall formal at ISU. Plenty of other times that are less memorable. Credit to me for getting it under control as I matured.
8) Heart-To-Heart Guy---I've had the nickname "cryin' Ryan" for a reason
9) Horny guy--- We've all been this guy. Funny is funny
10) Guy Who Won't Go To Bed--- I am the exact opposite of this guy. As soon as I start to feel even 10% tired I am done. I am going to bed.
11) Guy Who Likes To Wrestle--- I like to wrestle. I work hard to suppress this part of my personality. I remember when videos from the NYC office used to get out of Feits and others just kinda wrestling around the office and being jealous. Don't think I do it in drinking settings though.
12) Guy Who Tanks Uber Rating--- Tough one if you're the puke guy
13) Daredevil--- Not me. Pussy. I still have memories of my best friend in college doing a drunken balance beam walk on a bridge freshman year and it gives me the chills
14) Fights with girlfriend---No comment
15) Unsolicited Advice guy--- proud to say this isn't me because in general I am of the belief that I don't know shit about anything, especially someone else's life.
16) Always looking for the next move--- Fellas, I hate moving. The only time I historically look for the next move is if the move is planned so we can get there and then we get to not move for the rest of the night. Give me a place to sit and I am good for the night.
17) Bad Stories Guy--- Big time so my apologies. This whole blog might be bad stories.
18) Never pay the tab---Only if I'm in a puker situation
19) Falls In Love With The Bartender--- If you smiled at young Chief and low cut top I probably thought about our wedding
20) Music Control Freak---Don't care or want the pressure.
21) The Networker---I hate networking and in general I hate meeting new people. What am I supposed to do, get right up in their ear and tell them a bad story before I puke on them? No thanks.
22) Coke Guy---Never been me. See daredevil answer
23) Guy who brags about money---I'd love to be this guy, but have never had enough.
24) Guy who gets you caught in HS---Hate this guy. The worst. Imagine being this guy and he has to come up with an excuse as to why he has puke all over his clothes after coming home from an OAR concert. Couldn't be me.
25) Shot Guy---Shot guy is a mortal enemy of puke guy. Shots never sound like a good idea to me.
We've all been bad sometimes. Admitting it is the first step to turning it around.