Is it Even Remotely Possible to Win an Election When Your Opponent Can Get Hulk Hogan to Speak at His Convention?

John Barrett. Shutterstock Images.

Please allow me to begin this with the obligatory "politics aside" disclaimer. None of what I'm about to say should be taken as a value judgment or a commentary on anyone's ideology. Reader discretion is advised. 

As a general rule, the effect celebrity endorsements have on political campaigns seems to be nebulous at best. I don't know that I've ever met anyone who ever thought, "Well, I really respect and admire Candidate A, who seems to share my priorities and is determined to address my biggest concerns with the exact policies I endorse. But I'm voting for Candidate B because that person who is in that thing I liked says I should." I suppose they can have some influence on low-info voters who aren't leaning particularly strong in one direction or the other. But I can't imagine anyone switching party affiliation because, say, the front man of the band you went to see at a summer concert told you to. 

After all, RFK Jr has been an actual celebrity from a celebrity family for decades, and is married to the wife on one of the most celebrated sitcoms of our time. And he's polling in the single digits. Dr. Oz spent years on daytime TV where he had the female demo eating out of the palm of his hand. And he couldn't get elected to the US Senate in his own home state. The point being star power seems to have little to no impact on how people vote. 

That said, there's star power, and then there's Hulkamania Power:

So I ask again, is there any way a candidate can win a race - even a sitting President running for a second term - when the opposition party can attract Hulk Hogan? 

Consider if you will, the cultural and societal impact the Hulkster has had on America. From bursting into the national consciousness as Thunderlips, the Ultimate Object of Desire [tm]:

To shortly thereafter becoming the headliner at a little event I watched on Pay-per-view at the old Boston Garden that was known as Wrestlemania I. To becoming a part of ever American's every day life. T-shirts. Action figures. Cartoons. Posters. Packed arenas everywhere he went. The leading man in such feature films as Suburban Commando. Star of his own TV action drama Thunder in Paradise and the reality TV series Hogan Knows Best. He's done it all. 

This icon's life has been nothing less than the embodiment of the American Dream. He even went rogue with the most devastating Heel Turn since Benedict Arnold went from the hero of Fort Ticonderoga to the guy Peter Brady refused to protray in the school play because his name is synonymous with treachery. Plus, Hulk was slandered by Deadspin with an illegally obtained video, sued them, and won. It simply doesn't get more American than putting the Coolest Kids on the Internet out of commission. 

Why, it was only a few months ago, Hogan saved a life:

And yet, he still can find the time to show up to your little work party and give his seal of approval to your candidate? If that doesn't speak volumes about your nominee, I don't know what possibly could. A Commander-in-Chief has the authority to send young men into battle or to turn sovereign nations into the setting of Fallout with the press of a few buttons. But REAL power comes from being able to summon this man:

I just hope all the PoliSci majors and assorted weirdos in the convention hall have the wherewithal to understand how momentous Hulk's appearance will be. It's probably unprecedented in the history of our political scene. I know Abe Lincoln was big into wrestling. But even the Ol' Rail Splitter never tried to lift and body slam Andre the Giant:

So yes, this will be a watershed moment in our history. It begs the question of whether we should even bother with turning on the voting machines and counting the ballots in November. Representative democracy is all well and good in theory. But it's a flawed system. I think our Founders would've been perfectly fine with just letting the people run the country with Hulkamania. 

P.S. As great as "Real American" would be, I'd prefer to see Hogan recreate his best entrance ever: