Alec Bohm Is 100% Getting A Random Drug Test From The MLB After Drinking From This "Wooder" Jug From Bryce Harper At The Home Run Derby
First and foremost--there's nobody who knows how to pander quite like Bryce Harper. He's a first ballot Hall of Fame panderer. The man just knows what the hometown fans want to see, and he delivers on a daily basis. Aside from one slip up when he wore a Sixers jersey ahead of game 7 of the NLCS, they've all been hits. And last night's "Wooder" jug he presented to Alec Bohm during the home run derby was no different.
Not only did the fans love it, but clearly Alec Bohm loved it too. He started off a little slow in the Home Run Derby. I'd imagine it was a mixture of nerves and also not wanting to look like he was trying too hard. It took him a minute or so to really find his swing. But once he got a quick swig of wooder from the jug?
That tall, gorgeous bastard proceeded to launch 17 balls out of the park. The guy who had the best odds to finish last in the Home Run Derby put himself into the semifinals before anybody else was even able to pick up a bat.
But now there are going to be questions raised about what exactly is in that jug of wooder. Just for all you uncultured swine out there, "wooder" is the Philly pronunciation of water. However, there could be more going on here. Clearly the power of that jug is well established throughout the Phillies' clubhouse as Bryson Stott was pleading for it to come out during Bohm's round.
Extremely Batman voice What's in the jug????
Could it be water straight from the Schuylkill River? It looked way too clear to me, but even just adding a few drops of Schuylkill water would be enough to cause some superhuman mutations. Maybe it was sweat from the guys making cheesesteaks at Jim's South Street. Either way, 17 dingers after slugging from the jug will probably make the MLB at least one to take a quick piss test from Bohm just to stay on the safe side. Might be a good time for an oil change.