Dumping Them Out: I Still Got It

Welcome back to another episode of Dumping Them Out - the most significant thing I ever have done, and likely ever will do at Barstool Sports. It's either that or the time I took a picture where I looked like a serial killer. But now Tommy Fucking Smokes had to go out there and one up me. What the fuck, Tommy? You really couldn't just let me be the most serial killer drug addict looking dude at Barstool? That's all I had.

Kind of a prick move if you ask me.

I would like it on the record, although I can provide zero evidence outside of a scorecard that I could have easily fabricated, that I played my first round (9 holes, 18 is too much golf) of the year on Tuesday at Stone Ridge Country Club in Bowling Green, Ohio and shot a 39. Doubled the first hole, ripped off 7 straight pars, then fucking three-putted the 9th hole and bogeyed. Still got it folks. Kind of. Maybe I should start making golf content. I've heard there's an opening at Barstool for that.

Mark Zuckerberg posted this video of him wake surfing in a tuxedo while holding a beer in one hand and an American flag in the other on July 4th.

We as a country need to keep our guards up a little better when it comes to stunts like this. I think in this specific instance with Mark Zuckerberg, most people see through it. Zuckerberg has such a long track record of being a non-human weirdo that for most people it takes more than one extremely on the nose, overly cliche and stereotypical American-ass video like this one to forget how much of a non-human weirdo he truly is. But we should really be on the lookout for this type of behavior more often. How often do you see a video of a random guy doing something like… say… shot gunning a beer on top of the Grand Canyon while dressed like Uncle Sam, and we all collectively agree that the man is the coolest most bad ass dude to ever grace the internet. The way it is now, the formula is as simple as, 'something American + beer = you're awesome guy'. But anybody can do that. Can we at least set the bar at 2 or 3 beers? Maybe 2 or 3 beers and something highly dangerous? Idk exactly what the bar should be. I'd have to think on that. But if we just let any ol' person walk through the cool door because they bought a patriotic hat and chugged a domestic pilsner, we're eventually gonna get burnt. That's how you end up with another Jared From Subway situation.

Genuine paragraph: There are so many people in this world who wake up every day looking for reasons to complain, or looking for reasons to put down other people. Some people are so far gone, and have been living that way for so long that they don't even realize what they're doing. No matter what is happening, it's just second nature for them to point out any little thing about the situation that inconveniences them. Or no matter what someone else is doing, they're going to find a way to point out a flaw, and passive aggressively (or regular aggressively) let them know they should be doing it differently. They'll do it in their friend groups, with their families, some people's entire relationships are just built on picking out things that are wrong in their lives. I don't know how people live that way. It's seems so exhausting and so miserable. Life can be so much fucking easier if you just mind your own business and don't look for reasons to be upset. I see this in people all the time and I never understand it. If I ever show signs of being that way I hope someone punches me in my teeth.