PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: Don't Clip Your Nails While On A Commercial Flight, You Fucking Savage

Shutterstock Images.

I can't believe I have to write this blog, but hopefully, it gets into the right hands… Specifically into the grubby hands of the filthy cunt that was cutting her nails two rows behind me on the airplane last week.

I was sitting in an Emergency Aisle, but overhead space was limited, so I had to stow my bag 4 or 5 rows BEHIND where I was sitting. For people who travel often, they will immediately know what that means. It means that after the plane lands, you have to try and "swim upstream" to get your bag, while every person behind you is pushing to go the opposite direction towards the EXIT.

This put me in a situation where I had to wait for someone in the aisle to delay the line a tad while I hopped back one or two rows to get closer to the overhead with my stowed luggage.

According to plan, I had jumped back two rows but then had to wait for another rush of people to pass by, so I casually looked down at the floor and saw this…

You may need to zoom in a little, but, for me, it was immediately unmistakable what I was standing on. And after seeing the nail clippings, I recalled hearing a faint sound of metal pressing against metal at some point mid-flight that I assumed was something mechanical. But it wasn't mechanical at all. It was some disgraceful piece of shit clipping their nails in public.

Now, I was drifting in-and-out of sleep for most of the flight, so I can't be sure whether or not some passenger in this animal's row confronted her at some point. I can envision a rogue nail shooting out from the side of the clipper and hitting some poor bastard in the temple… Which would send me off into a naked rampage, if I were the victim.

I counted less than 10 full clippings from the photos I took, so maybe this manicure session was indeed cut short by someone with common sense.

Either way, I find it necessary to point out just in case you are one of those classic 'multi-taskers' who think they can save time by making their personal hygiene available to the public.

What a fucking blatant disregard for not only everyone seated around you but also for the people who clean the planes in between flights… It makes me crosseyed-crazy to even think about it, so I will try to forget this incident once this blog is published.

Oh… And another thing.

As I was patiently waiting for the mass exodus off the plane to happen, a family sitting near the back walked past me with two young sons… Guessing ages 5 and 7. The family looked Eastern European and spoke with an accent I couldn't quite place.

The mom and the dad were struggling with the family's luggage, while the boys were both holding a single item. They each had a gallon-sized Ziploc bag filled with plain cooked pasta.

I was fucking FASCINATED by it.

The bag looked relatively smudge-free on the inside which means these kids were simply popping plain old cooked macaroni as a snack for the 4-hour flight. A very foreign idea for me but arguably better than the king-size Kit-Kat I brought onboard and the Tapas Box I purchased alongside my complimentary Ginger Ale. 

I was tempted to take a picture of these little pasta-eating bastards, but I have a twisted history of taking pictures of Eastern European boys, and some skeletons need to stay buried. So you'll just have to take my word for it.

Take a report.

-Large