8 Nice Things About Justin Timberlake
Handout. Getty Images.Page Six - The sheen has worn off America’s onetime golden boy.
The latest kick to Justin Timberlake’s ego? When, as Page Six reported, the young cop who arrested him for DWI in Sag Harbor early Tuesday didn’t recognize his face or name.
“Justin said under his breath, ‘This is going to ruin the tour,’” a source told Page Six. “The cop replied, ‘What tour?’ Justin said, ‘The world tour.’”
“The album didn’t do too well, and I don’t see Justin getting big acting roles right now,” said a well-placed Hollywood insider. “I just think Justin has a bad reputation in Hollywood as a bit of a jerk and a pain in the ass.”
“He’s got a bit of an ego,” said an industry insider.
The past few days, complete with Timberlake’s glass-eyed mug shot, are a clear indication that the former *NSYNC heartthrob has some very real mid-life crisis issues.
Not least of them is the fact that his wife, actress Jessica Biel is said to be “extremely upset” with her husband’s antics, according to US Weekly.
It's been a rough few days for international star of stage and screen Justin Timberlake. Quite possibly the roughest few days of his life. Which all things considered isn't too bad. Catching a highly public DWI in the Hamptons isn't great. Most people don't will go their whole lives without being arrested for drunk driving. But if the worst thing that happens in your life is a DWI at age 43 (where nobody gets hurt), that's pretty good. If I had a son tomorrow, and god descended down upon me from the heavens and presented a contract that said if I signed on the dotted line, it would guarantee that the worst thing my son will have to go through in his life is an injury free DWI… I think I'm signing that contract. If that's as bad as it gets for him, he's probably lived a pretty good life. You could certainly do a lot worse.
But it sounds like Justin is taking things pretty hard. His perfect face mug shot has been plastered all across the internet. Nameless, faceless Twitter accounts are making witty & hurtful memes about him. His most recent album only stayed on the Billboard 200 for four weeks. His beautiful multi-millionaire actress wife is "upset with him". There have certainly been better weeks in the Timberlake household
So considering Justin Timberlake is going through such a horribly difficult time right now, and every article you see about him on the internet revolves around his humiliating drunk driving arrest. His ego is reportedly crushed. I thought the nice thing to do would be to remind Justin Timberlake of the all the good things he has going for him in his life. The poor guy could use a pick me up.
Your net worth is $250 million
It's important to remember in times like this that you are very rich. Rich enough that any problem you have short of being caught on Epstein's flight logs can probably be solved by throwing money at it. This morning I woke up disappointed in myself because I splurged for a $70 Uber last night instead of taking the train. At least you don't have that problem. Sorry maybe that's not the best example considering a $70 Uber could have prevented this entire situation. Money doesn't always buy happiness, but your $250 million dollars should help cushion the blow of your shameful arrest.
You've won 10 Grammy's, 4 Emmy's, 7 AMA's, 3 Brit Awards, 9 Billboard Music Awards, 10 MTV Video Music Awards, 29 ASCAP Awards, and nominations for an Academy Award, 3 Critic's Choice Movie Awards, 2 Golden Globe Awards, and a SAG Award
When times are tough, it always helps to count your blessings tangible awards given to you by committees of rich, self-important industry members who believe that acting and making music is the most noble & selfless thing a person can do, and without the talents of people like you the world cease to exist. Thank you for sharing your gifts with us. You are a true artist.
You got to hook up with 2010 Mila Kunis
Really good work Justin. No amount of DWI's will ever be able to erase that memory. Unless you really go off the rails. If you drink enough and start doing hard drugs I suppose it could fry your brain entirely. So that memory at motivation to get your act together. You don't want to forget that.
Nobody is accusing you of being a pedophile
Have you seen what Drake's going through? He just had a stadium packed full of nearly 20,000 people singing songs about how he fucks kids. Russell Westbrook and DeMar Derozan were dancing with glee as Kendrick Lamar accused him of pedophilia and human trafficking. I couldn't believe my eyes. There's not shot I'd rather be Drake than you right now. I don't care if he has double the money and fame at this point. Even if you had drunkenly crashed your car into a school bus full of children, I still might choose your situation over Drakes' right now.
You really came out on top of the whole Britney Spears thing
What a disaster she is, huh? Remember when the whole internet lost their god damn minds over her conservatorship, then Britney finally got control of her money and no less than a month later we were all like, "Oh wait never mind I get it now."
You probably saw that coming from a mile away. You were on that from the jump. Even when you were dating, we could tell by the way you looked at her that you could tell something was off. Thank god you never had a kid with her. I don't wanna say, "Good thing you talked her into that abortion", because that seems a little dark. So I will not say that. But boy did you ever manage to get out of that one unscathed.
You're good at golf
The internet tells me you're a 4.3 handicap. That's nothing to sneeze at. It means you're at least good enough to function at even the most difficult courses. And with your wealth and celebrity you can probably get on just about any course whenever you please. Doesn't get much better than that as a golfer.
You didn't have to switch lives with Jared Carrabis
Several years back a baseball fan named Jared Carrabis was given the opportunity to trade lives with you on Barstool Radio, but he declined because he would rather watch the Boston Red Sox than be the one of the richest most successful celebrities in the entire world. But to be fair to Jared, I don't think he's having to deal with the court system right now. I'm pretty sure the biggest thing on his plate right now is the Red Sox stingy ownership
Everyone says your dick is huge
When you Google, "Does Justin Timberlake have a big dick?", the results are pretty awesome for you. It's just headline after headline saying how big your hog is. Whether it's true or not doesn't even matter. Someone named Patricia Clarkson said it was true one time, now it might as well be fact
Justin Timberlake Has a Big Dick, According to Patricia Clarkson
Co-Star Says Justin Timberlake is Will Endowed, BDE
Justin Timberlake Has A Huge Penis?
See Justin, it's not all that bad. You're still a multi-millionaire celebrity who can literally do whatever he wants whenever he wants with whoever the hell he wants to. Your life is still exponentially better than 99.99% of people in the world. So try not to get too down on yourself. Because if you're down on yourself, and you're disappointed with how things are going in your life, then I think that means I just have to kill myself right now.