THE FUTURE IS HERE! You Will Be Able To Control Your iPhone With Your Eyes After You Update To iOS 18

One thing all the robot-fearing doomsdayers didn't tell us was that before humanity is wiped out in the inevitable Man Vs. Machines war was that we are going to get some pretty fucking awesome technology. I never thought about how cool it would be to be able to use my phone like Professor X. But now that I see it being done, I'm kinda pissed that Steve Jobs didn't include this all in the iPhone 1, even though it was technologically impossible at the time and he would've been burned at the stake like a witch for coming up with this type of mindfuckery on a device that already was too incredible to fathom.

That's just me, a lazy asshole who loves new gadgets saying that. I can't imagine what people with actual handicaps that prevent them from easily swiping their phone think of this wizardry. Or even worse, people that suddenly lost the use of their dominant hand out of the blue like my guy Rico Bosco.

I would've thought that you would have to allow Elon Musk to throw a microchip into your brain in order to get this type of superpower, which I would never to considering what Twitter and the Tesla Cybertruck look like these days. Yet somehow, this can be done by just plugging my phone in, hitting update, and waiting for the latest magic to get uploaded onto the supercomputer I hold in my pocket.

This is the part of the iPhone blog where the green bubbles tell me that Android has had this feature for a decade or so. But this is big news for those of us that are happily and hopelessly addicted to products being churned out by Tim Apple.