I’ve Found The Perfect Replacement For Joey Chestnut In The Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Competition, And Her Name Is Paige Spiranac

By now everybody’s seen all the drama surrounding this years 4th Of July Nathan’s Hot Dog eating contest on Coney Island.

Joey Chestnut, (not to be confused with Cody Chestnut. (Banger)), has been disqualified, or uninvited, or whatever because he is now sponsored by a vegan hot dog company and thought he’d be able to eat those instead.

Nathan’s said no way Jose.

Dan said it’s unAmerican.

Dave said Nathan’s is right.

My future gf Paige said “let me play” and threw her hat in the ring.

She doubled down on this, this morning, by digging up video of her putting her money where her mouth is, er, 6 hot dogs where her mouth is and if you weren't sold on this idea before, after watching this feat, you have to have rocks in your head to not think this is anything short of genius.

Listen, I love Joey Chestnut as much as the next red-blooded, proud American. But I'm also fine giving the guy a year off. Take a break man. You earned it. If we don't get to see grown men and women rip open and smash together the inside casings of a hot dog before shoveling it in their mouths, followed by soaking its buns in water and throwing down the hatch, I think we will all live.

(Sidebar -I actually got to meet the man, the myth, the legend with my guys White Sox Dave and Mantis a few years ago in Indy when I filmed this weekend trip we took. Great video if you haven't seen it. He couldn't have been a nicer guy.)

It feels like I'm constantly giving out free marketing advice on here, and this is just another instance of that. Nathan's needs to shake things up a little bit to revive this spectacle. Name me a better way for them to do that than by adding America's Sweetheart Paige to the mix. You can't.

Get her on that stage in an American flag bikini top. Give us a fixed camera with a stream focused only on her, with CCR's "Fortunate Son" blaring, and I guarantee your ratings will soar. 

p.s. - It's looking like we're on for late July for Paige's visit to Chicago.