Dumping Them Out: I Am Moving
Welcome back to another episode of Dumping Them Out. I have an announcement to make. I am officially moving. I am moving 2 blocks away from my original apartment in Jersey City to another apartment in Jersey City.
So this episode is coming to you from a Jersey City bar. I don't normally like to drink on on Sunday evening. But I moved apartments today, and the internet at my new place doesn't turn on until tomorrow morning. So I have no choice but to work from a countertop that will serve me drinks. It also means I'm going to have to sit at this very public bar and scroll through a bunch of Boob GIFs and look like the horniest person in the world.
I've been dealing with moving related bullshit all week. Moving suck. We all know this. So considering the fact that I'm coming off a fresh move, here are a quick speed rankings of worst things about moving.
Calling the internet and utilities companies to transfer service to your new place
It really shouldn't be that hard. All you should have to do is dial a number, hit 'zero' a bunch of times until you finally get a human on the line. Then you give them your new address and date of move and you're home free. But it's never that easy. This time when I finally got a human there was a whole language barrier. What should have been 5 minutes turned into 30. It sucked.
Paying for movers
As long as I live I will never even consider moving apartments without the help of movers. I don't care how broke I am. I will never stoop as low as to ask my friends for help moving. Even if I have only $1000 to my name, I'm spending my last $1000 on movers. I will honestly go into crippling debt before I try to move myself or illicit the help of friends. If you never ask your friends for help moving, then you'll never have to help them.
Changing Address with The DMV
I wouldn't wish having to deal with the DMV in any way, shape, or form on my worst enemy. It's a nightmare. And I know what you're thinking… "Just change your home address online it's so easy."… well bitch.. it's not always that easy…
Hear me out… The last official address I had was 1005 King Ave in Columbus, Ohio. Right next to the Buffalo Wild Wings. Great spot. I lived there until I managed to trick Barstool Sports into thinking I was a hire. Once I did that, I moved to Jersey City. After I moved, I tried to change my address online. When I hit 'submit' on the address change, I got an error message. It said "You can't change your address you fucking moron cunt piece of shit. Your Columbus, OH address is a BUSINESS ADDRESS. You need to go to the DMV in person you dumb bitch." (paraphrased)
I had no clue what that meant. So I called my old landlord. He didn't know what it meant either. He said he had never run a business out of that address. So I go to the Jersey City DMV. I wait in line for 45 minutes, until finally, a lady beckons me to her window with a 12 inch long acrylic nail on her pointer finger. I explain my situation. She says "Oh, yes.. I've seen this a million times. Did it say you had a 'business address',? Happens all the time. Just fill out this form and we'll have it changed no problem."
So I fill out the form. I thought I was in the clear. But weeks pass and I never got one of those "Here's your new address welcome to the neighborhood mailers". You know the ones you normally get when you change addresses. I never got it. The only mail I ever get is mail from places I specifically changed my address with. Like my bank, doctors office, etc. So I'm 90% sure that my official address according to the U.S. government is still 1005 King Ave back in Columbus.
That really shouldn't matter. But what worries me is that I didn't pay my taxes back in 2016 when I was living in California. I've been told it takes 6 years for the IRS to catch up to delinquent taxes. Meaning that if they were going to send me anything, it would have came in the last couple of years. Not that I haven't paid my taxes every year since. And I've used my updated address on all my tax forms ever since. So the IRS should know where to find me. But still… because of the whole "you can't change your address because your old address is a business address" situation. There will always be a part of me that wonders if the IRS has been trying to contact me…
Accidently Ordering Uber Eats to Your Old Apartment
I've never had this problem before because I've never moved within the same city. But today I moved only a 10-15 minute walk away from my old place. That might actually be worst case scenario when it comes to ordering Uber Eats to the wrong address. If I'm laying in bed at 10pm and order some disgusting Burger King… and I accidently order it to my old address that's 45 minutes away… then I simply cut my losses and go to sleep. But if I accidently order disgusting Burger King to my old address that's only a 10-15 min walk away… then I'm like, "I mean I'm so close. I should just go get it… but it's only Burger King… but that Burger King cost $40 somehow… how does a Whopper and Chicken Fries via Uber Eats in Jersey City is the same price as a T-bone steak in the Midwest?"
Then I have a whole decision to make… That will almost certainly happen to me by the end of this week
