Men Taking Care Of Their Own Lawn Is Peak Manhood And Other Man Things

I knew the answer to this question before I posed it but was curious to see what some folks thought of not being allowed to walk on the front lawn. My dad wasn't a psycho and I am glad he instilled in me the desire to maintain a healthy, attractive front lawn now that I moved out to the suburbs. I am not alone here either.

That is genuine sadness and despair from Jerry. You come home every day and all you want to see is a lush front lawn. The last thing you want, especially if you paid for sod 3 times, is to see it browned out and messy. 

I had plenty of folks say the opposite though and that my dad was a psycho. To them I say, you are probably the people in the neighborhood with the crappy front lawns to be honest. Your front lawn is your home's first impression. I guess you don't care that it looks ugly, uninviting, and as though you don't care. The front lawn I grew up admiring looked like it was plucked from the outfield at Yankee stadium. Green, lush, neat. 

To me, there is nothing better than maintaining your own lawn and have it be one of the best looking in the neighborhood. For the folks that pay to have their lawn mowed I would only say this - my neighbor had one of the best lawns in the neighborhood until this week. You see, his landscaping company mowed it too short and now it has brown spots. Those landscaping companies have to do 10 lawns in a day - you think they are giving yours any special attention? 

Thanks to Shane Gillis, it's okay to be a man again. It got me thinking, as I approach 40 this fall, what are some other feats of pride, strength, and ability that are important to maintain as men age? Here's what I came up with:

Throwing a football

Could Bledsoe be the Patriots backup today? He could. He won't be because he's 52, running a vineyard, and generally has no interest in coming out of retirement. But he could.

You see him in that video?! He can absolutely still spin it! Granted, they are 10 yards apart, not wearing any equipment, probably have a slight wine buzz* going, and Nick Bosa isn't coming off the edge in an attempt to plant his soul into the ground, but you're telling me he couldn't be a serviceable backup? With the way rules protect the QB these days he could absolutely sit in the pocket and throw the bottom half of the route tree. 

(*Sidenote - wine buzz is the ultimate razor's edge of buzzes. It can be an enjoyable time until you have one sip too many and then you storm out of a restaurant when you disagree with someone at dinner.)

Not to mention Patriots fans - what happened last time he was in the QB room to mentor a young guy fresh out of college? Exactly. Next dynasty loading. 

As a former backup quarterback, I can promise you there is a level of pride with being able to still throw the rock with some authority regardless of how long you've been away from the game and that's exactly what we are witnessing. Just ask EIC Nate about the time I unnecessarily put a little extra mustard on one in the office. Bledsoe absolutely wanted Edelman to walk away thinking, "Damn, I wasn't expecting that but he can still throw." FWIW Edelman said exactly that on a recent episode of PMT. 

This is low hanging fruit but imagine not being able to play catch with your grandchildren? No thank you.

Bench 225

You think Will Compton is going to be walking around the gym at 70 telling the youngsters about his days playing Dozen Trivia? No shot! But what he will be damn sure he can do is slap two Cadillacs on either side of the bar and perform some combine-worthy reps on the bench. You think it's an accident that Feits walks around with a barrel chest under those eclectic clothes? I don’t think so. Strength is important even if none of us play competitive sports any more. You might just need them to intimidate your daughter's boyfriend.

Open jars

No one wants to be the guy who can't open the jar of pickles in their own house.

Manual labor

As mentioned above, there is a sense of pride in mowing your own lawn, putting down mulch, or shoveling snow. Sure, you hope to have the means to pay someone else to do it if you so choose but it's important to be able to still do it yourself in a pinch. My dad is north of 60 and spent 4 hours with me a few weeks ago helping me spreading out 8 yards of mulch on my property. Man stuff. 

Grill

Knowing how to operate and cook on a grill is definitely an acquired skill. Knowing the difference between a steak rare and medium is important. Being able to knock out 10 burgers exactly how everyone prefers their temperature, with/without cheese, and toasted/untoasted bun is what separates us from cavemen.

Lift heavy things

This goes along with manual labor but not being able to move furniture or lift boxes would have to crush you. 

Sprint 10 yards

You never know when you might need to turn on the jets. Maybe your daughter is about to ride her bike into the street or fall off the swingset and you need to be there to save the day. Maybe a car came out of nowhere while you're crossing the street and you don't want to get t-boned. Maybe your wife is coming at you with a 9 iron after finding out about the Perkins waitress. Whatever the scenario, it's helpful to be able to scoot. 

There are probably more that I am missing but this was off the top of my head. Some of you are reading this and thinking I am an idiot. But others, and you know who you are, are reading it and thinking to your meathead self, "You know what…he's right."

You know who else was a man's man? Medal of Honor recipient Woody Williams.