Let's Rate How Safe Nick Sirianni's Job Is Based On This Ass Slap He Gave Howie Roseman At The Draft
I don't care what profession you're in. You could be the head coach of an NFL football team, or you could be working the only cash register open at your local grocery store while the self-checkout line is wrapped all the way around aisle 7 because dumbasses can't figure out how to scan a few items themselves. No matter what your job is, you're not slapping your boss on the ass unless you are 100% sure you're not getting fired. I know a slap on the ass to a football guy is the same thing as a firm handshake, but I don't think the Falcons GM will be slapping Arthur Blank on the ass anytime soon.
So let's break down this moment last night between Nick Sirianni and Howie Roseman. Obviously last season got a little rocky. After starting off the year 10-1, the Eagles went on to lose 6 of their final 7 games of the season. An embarrassing loss to the Bucs in the Wild Card was more than enough to put Nick Sirianni's job in jeopardy. It already cost him his offensive and defensive coordinators. His ass is firmly planted in the hot seat, but slapping Howie's shows that the temperature has probably cooled off significantly.
Now that's not to say he's totally in the clear either. I think if we had video evidence of every ass slap Nick Siriannia has doled out throughout his tenure with the Eagles so far, this would be one of the most reserved we've seen out of him. He waits until Howie is totally unsuspecting and going in for the high-five with Jeffrey Lurie. Upon completion of the ass slap, he immediately pulls back and pretends to be on the phone again before going in for the proper dap. Almost like when you'd tap a friend on the other shoulder and pretend it wasn't you. Was there a sense of regret after the ass slap that Nick Sirianni was trying to cover up? Did he let the football guy inside of him take over and deliver an ill-advised slap on the ass? Perhaps so.
But with all the Mount Union connections to Quinyon Mitchell, it's hard to imagine Nick Sirianni didn't play a huge role in this pick. Enough so to warrant a quick little tap on the ass once the pick was made. He had the greenlight to slap some tush, and he took full advantage of it.
So if I had to judge Nick Sirianni's job security based solely on this ass slap? I'd say his seat is tepid at most. I'd put it at that level of uncomfortable when you sit down in a spot that someone was just sitting for quite some time and it still has that layer of ass warmth stuck to it. It's not hot by any stretch. You can barely even consider it to be warm. But you know something about it still feels funny.