Your Draft Day Guide to Wild Patriots Trade Rumors

Make no mistake about it, I never want the Patriots to be drafting at No. 3 ever again, unless they get here through clever trading. Picking in the Top 3 once every 31 years is plenty enough for my liking, thankyouverymuch. And I hope the next time we find ourselves in this position, I'm an old man lying in bed watching my gold digging mistresses fighting over the fortune I secretly already spent on myself. 

Still, you have to admit there's a certain appeal to being in this position. The Bears are mortal locks to take Caleb Williams. By all accounts, the Washington C-words seem to be staying put at No. 2:

... leaving Eliot Wolf, who already made it clear he's "Open for Business" as the one all eyes will be on. The variable. The X all others will have to solve for. The unknown factor:

And like he told Scott Zolak, he fully expects the trade talk to ramp up the closer he gets to being on the clock. So being in this position for the first time in over three decades, it's exciting in ways waiting until 10:45 to find out Belichick traded back to draft Cole Strange could never be. It's a chance to see how the Browns and Jets have been living all these years. When Adam Vinatieri would be lining up for a last second game-winner, the late, great Gil Santos would call it "a pulse-pounding finish." And this is as close as waiting to see which 22 year old we're rolling the dice on. 

With that, here's a partial list of the biggest trade rumors out there, just as a sort of handy brochure to guide you through the rest of the day until Ginger Satan gets his weaselly face booed off walking to the podium.

There's the Giants looking to move up from No. 6 in order to cure their moderate-to-severe Daniel Jones problem:

Then of course there's still the matter of the Vikings who added a 1st already this offseason in hopes of filling in their Kirk Cousins-shaped hole. Making them the most logical eHarmony match. But by no means will two 1sts make a move back to 11 happen. The 49ers guaranteed that when they gave up three to move up from 12 to 3 just three drafts ago. But they could obviously sweeten the pot another way:

Still another scenario has them staying put at No. 3, and shocking the world by passing on Drake Maye and taking JJ McCarthy, who three months ago was projected to still be on the board in Round 3:

The Broncos have entered the chat. And are texting in ALL CAPS:

Another has them staying put at 3 and drafting Drake Maye, but moving up (presumably two spaces from the second overall pick tomorrow) to pair him with another name off my Wish List, Xavier Legette:

But here's the one that will melt your brain. I suggest digging your eclipse glasses out of the trash and throwing them on before you look directly at this one:

A maneuver of such magnitude seems impossible to pull off in such a short period of time. Flipping from 3 to 11 and back to 4 is the kind of change of direction that gave Simone Biles a case of the Twisties a couple of years ago. And I can't imagine coming out ahead on the Draft Capital Exchange in all that motion. 

If I had to choose, and I've really given myself no choice at this point, I'd be grateful to find myself in a position to be able to take the third most highly regarded quarterback in his class, draft him and develop him. And that QB is Drake Maye. I could easily live with Jayden Daniels, but it would appear Washington feels the same way, and they've got dibs. As I've said before, I simply don't get the hype on McCarthy, or how he managed to achieve escape velocity out of the 3rd round and skyrocket up to the top of the board without ever putting on pads. But I don't trust it. 

And we can measure Maye. His size, his arm strength, his deep ball accuracy, his numbers (particularly in 2022, his size again, the way he runs, his age (he turns 22 at the end of August), and also his size. Sit tight. Select the guy who gives you the best chance to have a future Top 5 QB, and then go manipulate your way up and down the rest of draft board to your heart's content. 

Let me end with this disclaimer: If it isn't Maye, if Wolf drops back or if he truly has this rumored affection for McCarthy, will deny ever saying these things and throw my loyalty behind whoever it is. Because nothing is certain. The one thing we're guaranteed is this will not be as boring as so many Pats drafts we've seen.