People Don't Talk Enough About How Horny Seinfeld Was

I was a big time Seinfeld fan growing up. My dad always said Seinfeld was his favorite show, so I always made a point of watching when it came on TV. At one point in my life I could catch two episodes a day on TBS. One before dinner at 5:30pm, and another before bed at 10pm (or somewhere around there). I believe I've seen every episode at least once. It's admittedly been a long time since I've watched, so I'm not nearly as fresh with my show knowledge as I was in my heyday. But still, about once a week something will happen in my life and I'll think, "Oh yeah, it's like that Seinfeld episode where _______." 

Despite being a show about nothing, it's a show that applies to so many real-life situations. However, one thing I never considered when watching the show as a child, but in my older age find exceptionally amusing, is Jerry Seinfeld's diabolical dating roster. When I look back it now, I almost feel like the whole show was just a vehicle for Jerry Seinfeld to establish himself as a man who "pulls bitches". (Jerry's words, not mine)  

There are a total of 66 women on that graphic, but according to reliable sources, in the show 'Seinfeld', Jerry dated a total of 73 women over the course of 180 episodes. 

Wikipedia - Jerry has a detached approach towards relationships and breaks up with women for the most minor of reasons. According to the ninth-season DVD release of the series, Jerry has had 73 different girlfriends seen or alluded to over the course of the series. 

That's a new woman every 2.47 episodes. The character Jerry Seinfeld (based on Jerry Seinfeld) was running through single ladies in New York City at an exceedingly high clip. He accumulated a roster of 90's style smokeshows that would make Leo  tip his cap. A murderer's row of beautiful women and one stray Jennifer Coolidge.

NBC. Getty Images.

(sorry Jennifer that was an unnecessary low blow, you're very attractive in your own right, I loved you in White Lotus)

The list is full of heavy hitters, but to name a few…

Teri Hatcher (who Jerry blew things with because he wasn't sure if her fatties were natty)

Christine Taylor

Kristin Davis

Aaron Rapoport. Getty Images.

Kathleen McLellan (who Jerry just had walk around naked the entire episode)

Don't forget he ended up being REPULSED by her because he didn't like the way her naked body looked when opening a jar. Which I mean… Jesus Jerry… maybe make a pro's and con's list learn to take the good with the bad.

And let's not forget Julia Louis-Dreyfus aka Elaine Benes….

Who Jerry didn't technically date in the show, but made sure to write into the script that they used to be a couple. It's like they cast the show with Julia Louis-Dreyfus as Elaine, then Jerry said, "Hey, lets make sure we put it in the script that I used to fuck her."

And so many more. Courtney Cox, the red haired girl from Desperate Housewives, the list is long.

Also, a big ol' creepy shoutout goes to whoever wrote the episode where George Costanza was caught red handed looking at the cleavage of his bosses high school daughter. A daughter played by none other than Denise Richards.

People throw around the phrase, "they could never make that episode today" a little too often. But I do believe a main character staring daggers at 15-year old side character's cleavage and playing it off as a clumsy goof wouldn't fly on modern day cable. But in the 90's that's just classic George.

Not to go too far down the rabbit hole of creepy Seinfeld things, but I can't possibly write this blog without mentioning the fact that at the ripe age of 38-years old, real-life Jerry Seinfeld began dating a Shoshanna Lonstein. A 17-year old high school student.

I understand it was a different time, but c'mon Jerry! Control yourself, sir! It's wild to think about how in the span of maybe 10 years, a 38-year old celebrity dating a high school student went from socially acceptable to, "Throw that man underneath the jail and never let him out."

Great show though. The storyline of Seinfeld episodes are often times genius. The way they the writers make everything come together so perfectly in the end is incredible. Although to be honest, sometimes when I look back on the show and watch some of Jerry's scenes, I think to myself.. "What the fuck is this shit?"

I mean what the fuck is that shit? I guess that's funny? I suppose that's the appeal of the show. It's supposed to be stupid. It's a show about nothing. It's just friends hanging out, talking, getting themselves into sticky situations. It was revolutionary in its time. And for the most part I'd say it still holds up. But I also watched Seinfeld's most recent Netflix special, and boy did that do nothing for me. The man is no Katt Williams I'll tell you that much.

Jerry's an observational comedian, and I'm not sure if his brand of comedy is still as relevant today. But whether Seinfeld is funny or not (which I do sometimes legitimately question because he did have Larry David by his side so I'm never really sure how much Jerry actually contributed, or if it was really just Larry David doing ALL of the heavy lifting) we can all agree that Jerry Seinfeld is horny man. And Seinfeld is an underrated horny show. Everybody talks about the shows brilliance, but nobody talks about it's horniness. I know I'm not the first person to bring this up, but I wanted to float that out there again. 

NOTE: It's come to my attention that this was literally a joke on Curb just a few weeks ago. Swear I didn't see that. Not that I thought this was an original take or anything. But if I knew Curb had just done it so recently I wouldn't have wrote this. Or I at least would have lead off the blog with it. I know how shitty that looks. Here's the clip of JB Smoove doing this joke way better in the span of 43 seconds.