Sad Day For The South: Tennessee Has Passed A Bill Banning First Cousins Getting Married

Ugh. A sad day for the South. Pour out some of your finest moonshine whiskey, boys......looks like marrying that girl you've been checking out at the family 4th of July party every year is about to be officially off the table. 

Orlando Sentinel. Getty Images.

Lady in the top right must be smiling because her little boo thang is only her 2nd cousin. Congrats Susie! But yes, I know for the boys in Knoxville that this is like when their favorite cousin got braces…..a tough blow…..but try and keep your head up, gentlemen. There's a huge positive you can still focus on, if you want to look at the glass half full. The bill doesn't ban sex between first cousins, just marriage. See, it's not all bad! 

Oh, and to the people that will inevitably say that there's a few other states where this still isn't illegal, here's my rebuttal to the "better tell New York and California!" crowd: it's not needed to make it illegal there. There's a reason the song is "Sweet Home Alabama" and not "Sweet Home New Hampshire". 

Anyways, just wanted to take a quick moment this morning and welcome Tennessee to the 1900s! The boys over in Alabama have to be SWEATING with this news this morning, because how's that saying go? First they came for the 1st cousins….and then there were no 1st cousins that were legally allowed to come for me.