The Philadelphia Phillies Are Back To Slugging Their Dicks Off
Mitchell Leff. Getty Images.Chicks dig the long ball. Never once in the history of chicks have they ever given a flying frickin' heck about the short ball. And neither do the Philadelphia Phillies. This is a team that is built to slug.
A toilet is built to flush. That doesn't mean that every once in a while it doesn't get clogged and lose its ability to function properly. Which is what this Phillies lineup has been going through to start the season. This team, with a total payroll of "stupid money" couldn't buy an extra base hit. The King, Howard Eskin, was on the case.
Sometimes the best plan to have is no plan at all. You want to know what Topper's gonna do to get this team to start hitting again? Not a goddamn thing, baby. Just sit back, relax, and assume the bats are just taking a little longer to preheat in the oven. Maybe that's what's great about Topper, maybe that's also his downfall. But he's just going to trust that the players are eventually going to make the ball go boom again.
And what happened? 91 plate appearances without an extra base hit for the Phillies, but then Daycare go boom.
That's Phillies baseball, baby.
Who the hell wants to waste all their time with a few dinks here and there to move guys around the bases? All you have to do is step on one and the job is done. Small ball can get bent. The Phillies are going to live by the long ball, and they're going to die by the long ball. It makes life that much sweeter, and death that much more gut wrenching. At the end of the day, we wouldn't want it any other way.
Anyway, here's your fair warning to start keeping your head on a swivel as you make your way to Citizens Bank Park for the rest of this spring/summer. Balls are going to be flying everywhere.