HELP! I Have A Meeting With The "Head Of Production" On Wednesday To Outline My Plan For The Billy Madison / Ben Mintz Series
Well, readers of the blog, it was nice knowing you all. When I started this job exactly two weeks ago from this very date, I thought I was hired to be a writer. The reason I thought that is because that's what the man who signs my paychecks and I agreed upon during our grueling contract negotiations:
For those of you that are unaware, the word Priority means "something that is regarded as more important than another". And through the first 14 days on the job, I think I've stuck to that game plan pretty well. Sure I made a TikTok account for the Chinese to steal all of my personal information, and sure I've sat in the Gambling Cave watching basketball working late into the evenings a few times, but I've made sure to follow the advice of the always philosophical Jalen Hurts: "Keep the Main Thing the Main Thing". A long-form blog and any Ohio sports news a day keeps the doctor away everyone off your case.
Well, that was until this past week, when the Head of Production in the Chicago Office, Corey, stopped by my desk (a chair that overlooks that basketball court) and said, hey, let's get this video series planning in motion so we can get it sold. Huh…? I didn't even know what to say. I am much better with time to prepare a statement, rather than discussing off the cuff, so the only thing my mind could do in the heat of the moment was to race back to the 3rd grade Schoolhouse Rock video:
He replied to my initial Huh and response with a Huh of his own. We were in the midst of a great Huh Off, until I explained that Dave told me to make writing a priority, so I wasn't sure this was the proper card to throw down in this game of Euchre right out of the gate. Corey simply replied, "Not anymore, buddy. That Mintzy / Billy Madison idea is too good."
For those of you that didn't read about my Dinner Date with Mintzy or watch The Yak the following day, I proposed a couple collaborative ideas with the Mintz Man (and between us, I was kind of joking). I didn't think a Staring Contest with Riggs or coaching an inner-city Chicago basketball team were real possibilities, although I did think two of them did have legs (in descending order):
#2: JudgeMintz
I still think this is fucking funny, and I know it may only happen a handful of times per year, but dressing Mintzy up in a wig and robes to have him hear Will Compton's case for missing the Bracket Busters show + deciding a punishment for him would've been appointment internet. Same with the Rico SleepGate, and of course the Mintzy Poker Tournament.
But that's not the one the bosses want, they want this:
#1: Remaking Billy Madison
….and from that moment, Big Cat immediately loved it, told me not to move forward with making anything because he thinks we can "sell it" first, and apparently, the Head of Production put it on his agenda to talk shop about it. Which brings us back to where we began this story: I now have a "Production Meeting" this week with the Head of Production at Barstool Chicago, and to be quite honest with you all…..I don't really know what the fuck that means.
But I acted all cool and confident, said yep I'll be ready, brainstormed a couple ideas in my head this weekend while staring at the games, and now I THINK I have a good plan? I'm sticking with what I know as a former 7th grade teacher that has graded no less than 1,000 presentations: I'm making a PowerPoint. Do you think he wants all the bells and whistles? Will it be more impressive if my headline spins around and zooms in, or should it dissolve onto and off of the page? Either way, I think I'm on the right track with the name of the series and the general format. I know our graphic design team that uses more than SnapChat will make this prettier, we're on the same page of what this needs to be called, right?
Billy Madison…..Benny Mintzyson. Seems like a natural fit…..but what if Corey doesn't like it? Do I need to come in with three names and him choose one, or do I say: listen up you fucking Superior, this is the name we're going with, and if you don't like it, find another Teacher to come in and spend 12+ weeks with Mintzy. Good luck!
And as for the format, how's this?
If we did that 1x a week, this is at minimum a 12-week (3 month) series. And if Mintzy does what I think he will, it could rival General Hospital as the longest running soap opera in American television history. Wait….idea so it doesn't overtake the rest of our lives and so there's some sort of competition to win/lose, how about this: if Mintzy fails the same grade 3x, he FAILS. Flunks out and the series is over. DraftKings can set lines, too. I'd say Graduating would probably be offered at +550, and the Over/Under of grade he fails would be 5th.
Now, Big Cat suggested that we have another Barstool Employee do each grade with Mintzy, so he would have someone to remind him how easy these subjects he's failing truly are. So here's what I really need help with: filling out this chart.
An example would be learning about the parts of a frog for 10th Grade Biology, dissecting a frog for the assessment, and doing it with Steven Cheah. Get the picture? I've got some better plans than that, but I don't want to risk Mintzy learning how to read, reading this blog, and knowing what's coming. So yeah, hit me up the DMs (open) and/or Comment Section if you have any ideas that you would classify as "funny".
From there, I'm not sure if this is my job or Sales job, but I think we should be contacting companies that are involved in the Education industry? I've got these 8 on the top of my list, because an Arts and Crafts episode sponsored by Elmer's Glue makes me laugh out loud, but I'm open to more suggestions as well.
Alright, that's what I've got at the moment. I have 48 hours to prepare the most important presentation of my life, and I am accepting any and all suggestions. If I come in and within two weeks pitch an idea that makes this company money, I will notch a very important feather in my blogger cap and that is that Dave cannot say "has never made a dime for this company" when he mentions me. I'm not going to publicize that I'm asking for help, as I don't want the Head of Production to know that I have no clue what I'm doing, but I also want to come in with a very detailed, organized, and entertaining plan. So yeah, is this how you make a proposal? Am I doing too much, too little, or just right? And if you have any hilarious ideas that you want to see Mintzy and White Sox Dave do in pre-school, or Mintzy and Francis do in 12th grade (if he makes it that far), send them my way on Twitter or Instagram.
** As excited as I am about the prospective of this, blogging is still my priority. Plan A, Plan B, and Plan C. This is just a side gig.