New Disease Dropped: If You're One of the 75 People Diagnosed with "Demon Face" Syndrome...

NY Post - Certain people feel like they’re seeing monsters everywhere due to an ultra-rare condition called “demon face” syndrome that causes everyone to look like they have an evil smile. A study detailing this distorted perception disorder was published recently in “The Lancet.”

“It’s a problem that people often don’t understand,” senior author Professor Brad Duchaine, who teaches psychology and brain sciences at Dartmouth College in New Hampshire, said.

Dubbed prosopometamorphopsia, or PMO, the exceedingly rare affliction — of which only 75 cases have been reported — visually distorts faces every time the sufferer looks at a person, making them appear satanic. 

Visions vary depending on the person — specifically regarding eye shape, size, color, and position of facial features — and the condition can last for days, weeks or even years. 

I felt like I shouldn't end my blog title with "you should just kill yourself", but that's where I was heading there. 

Obviously that's hyperbole. I'm not advocating for suicide. But like... if some random Tuesday morning you show up at your office, get your shitty coffee, sit down in the conference room for your morning meeting, and your co-workers have been demonized. That's it for you. You can't go on living your life that way. If "demon face" syndrome comes for me, you'll never see me again. I'm locking myself in dark room, getting rid of all screens, and getting really really into true crime podcasts and crossword puzzles. Something where I'll never have to see another face for the rest of my life. 

It's a shame that there's no inverse of this horrific, fake sounding visual disease. If there's such as thing as "demon face" syndrome, then something like "hot face" syndrome could theoretically exist, right? Where every woman you look at, no matter how disgusting, turns into pre-surgery Megan Fox. It wouldn't have to stop at the face either. What if every woman, or fuck it, every woman and man you see morphed into a 10/10 busty petite Instagram model. You could turn yourself into some sort of sex charity super hero character. Every night you hit the town and satisfy all the sex-deprived bar goers who are simply too ugly for anybody to look at. You'd be a cocksman of the people. Or if you want to be greedy you could charge for your services. Become a hooker. Coming down with a case of "hot face & body" syndrome would make you the best hooker in the game.

Unfortunately that doesn't seem to exist. At least not yet. But apparently it's a real life possibility that tomorrow morning, any one of us could wake up in a world full of wide faced Pete Davidson-ish looking demons. It could last a day, month, year, the rest of your life. There's no telling. Thank you NY Post for tipping me off to this horrifying possibility. Thank god I have "demon face" syndrome on my radar now.