How Should AT&T Employees Be Punished For Everyone Losing Service Yesterday?

Note: I think this video might be staged. Although I can't say for sure. But that's unimportant. Consider it a jumping off point for this blog

We're all aware of the traumatic events of February 22, 2024. The day the world stopped moving because AT&T customers lost cell phone service for less than 24 hours. Theories as to why the outage occurred have been floated around. Was Valdimir Putin testing out the fancy new electromagnetic pulse weapon he was gifted on Russian Christmas? Or was the U.S. Government merely running a test to prepare themselves for the day Valdimir Putin inevitably uses the forementioned weapon. 

Or did a very specific solar flare strike a very specific piece of AT&T equipment(?). A piece of equipment that only affected users in the United States. 

Or did this low-level, grilled out AT&T employee somewhere in Florida forget to hit the "give customers service" button yesterday morning, which resulted in the cell phones of AT&T users across the country to be rendered completely unusable (except when connected to WiFi, which pretty much every building in America is fully equipped with). 

Regardless of who's fault it is, I think we can all agree it's of the utmost importance that somebody should be punished severely. But we're not going to do anything to Putin. He's untouchable. Same with our own government. And it's not like we can punish the fucking sun. But a part-time customer service representative at the AT&T Store in Gainesville... that's a man we can get to.

Much like when your United Airlines flight is delayed, you don't go straight to the top where the source of the problem lies. You berate the poor service desk attendant who's been there for 3-weeks, has nothing to do with the flight delay, and wants nothing more in the world than for your plane to leave on time so she can go home without being berated by a stressed-out father of 4 who NEEDS to get his family to Disney World in time to make their 8pm showing of Beauty and The Beast: Live on Stage.

Don't let the fact that your cell service has been fully restored make you forget the hell on earth you went through Thursday morning. If you're one of the people who are still angry with AT&T, there are a few things you can do about it.

You can cause a public scene. Drink 5-6 double IPA's and take an Uber (no drunk driving) to the nearest AT&T Store. Drunkenly barge through the front door. Record the entire thing. Back the meekest employee you can find into a corner and demand retribution. But don't be clear about what you want. It's more about yelling incoherently than getting actual results. 

You can tweet angrily. Nothing gets to a large corporation more than angry tweets from people with 200 followers. You might think they don't take your social media complaints into account, but that couldn't be farther from the truth. They take your tweets very seriously, and if you tweet enough at them, they're bound to get their shit together.

You can switch your service to Verizon. But you can't do it quietly. Tell Jason at the service desk that they lost a loyal customer. Let them know that you spend amount of dollars per month on their product. Tell them they'll never see your $50/month again. Once Jason tells corporate about your departure they're going to be shook.

Or your final option is to forget the whole thing ever happened. Just move on with your life, and enjoy your perfectly good cell service until a few years from now when Putin makes his move for real and our country crumbles as a whole. Personally, I think that's the cowards way out. I think somebody at AT&T deserves to feel your wrath. But if you don't have the balls to take matters into your own hands, I'm not going to blame you. Some people are sheep. Just continue to be walked all over by the big cell phone companies.