Breaking Down Kanye West & Bianca Censori's Latest Outfit Choices
Writing about Kanye West is a risky proposition. Last time I dipped the pen, I blogged about Kanye's "new titanium dentures". At the time of the blog, I swear to god that's what people were calling them. At least the Daily Mail article I based my blog off of insisted they were "titanium dentures." But quickly I learned that was not the case, by way of Kanye West's very own PR team.
I'm sure Kanye simply has his PR team scour the internet to find any and all articles written about him, and reach out to the no-pussy-gettin bloggers who slander his image in any way shape or form. I know Kanye didn't sit down in his breakfast nook with a morning cup of coffee and buffet of pills, pull up BarstoolSports.com, find my dentures blog and shout to his miserable overworked assistant, "CASSANDRA! NEW JOHN RICH BLOG DROPPED!! GET A HOLD OF HIM IMMEDIATELY!!"
Then proceeds to stand over her shoulder and together they carefully craft me an email with the exact right tone so that I issue a public "Kanye does NOT have dentures, they're very cool permanent titanium teeth" correction.
I know that's not what happened. But just in case I'm squarely on Kanye West's radar, and he was either planning to send a series of goons to my home, or conversely was so pleased with my correction that he'd offer me backstage passes on his next tour, I issued a swift correction.
I probably shouldn't have caved that easily, but that's aside the point. This blog is to discuss Kanye and his wife Bianca Censori's most recent fashion statement. If you hate your life enough to keep up with the tabloids as I do, you've been inundated with photos of Kanye's outfits. This is just the latest in a long line of Halloween costumes Kanye has presented to the world as "fashion".
Here we have Kanye West in his finest burlap sack. A versatile top that could be used to not only carry a dozen potatoes, but to keep a pitcher's mound dry during a rain delay. Ye's torso mobility is a 10/10. Zero constriction of the arms or shoulders. It's fit not only for a night out in the rain, but for a relaxing evening on the couch watching his own music videos and slowly losing his mind.
Beneath his sack appears to be some sort of leather gimp suit. That's a pattern I've noticed with Kanye's outfits. When all else fails, put on a gimp suit. You might think that if Kanye just spent $1 million on permanent titanium teeth, he wouldn't cover his face every chance he gets. But that's why I'm not the artistic genius. I'm sure gimp suits are the perfect outfit for a trip to the studio, a night out on the town, giving anti-semetic interviews, etc. The leather gimp suit is complete with long black leather gloves. Not the type of gloves most people would wear casually. But the type of a gloves a welder would wear on the job. Or maybe a plumber. I like to think Kanye is giving a nod to the blue-collar worker who wakes up every morning at the crack of dawn, heads to the factory, and listens to The Life of Pablo in their headphones as they weld car parts together for Ford Manufacturing from 7am-5pm every day.
On to Bianca. On a scale of 1 to hostage, Bianca's outfit is a 12. From what I can tell, for this particular look, Kanye was inspired by the $15 rain ponchos they sell at the front gates of theme parks on rainy summer days. But instead of adding any sort of color, or a photo of Mickey Mouse, Kanye went see-through. He said, "No, no, no. I want my lovely wife's tits, ass, and vagina to be fully exposed to the world. What's the point of having a trophy wife if I can't parade her body around everywhere I go."
She's also wearing boots. Kanye is wearing boots too. And pants. Whatever. This is all fucking stupid. I'll never understand the world of fashion. Is Kanye even taken seriously by people in that world? I really have no idea. Everything he put out there is just complete nonsense. There's maybe one pair of Yeezy's that I've ever thought. "ok I could potentially wear those" about. But I guess when you have that much money you can create whatever the hell you want and call it fashion. Keep it up Kanye. I can't wait to see what version of a gimp suit you roll out next.