Stevie Janowski Is The Greatest Side Kick In Movie Or TV History

Mankind isn't perfect. In fact, mankind has a tendency to make awful decisions almost exclusively. 

For instance, sometimes you just gotta head on down to Shaboom's to blow off some steam (and an 8 ball) then boom, next thing you know, you crash into some asshole's boat while fully intoxicated: 

And if you do find yourself in a similar situation, it's imperative that you have a side kick like Stevie Janowski to take all the blame for you, and that's exactly what Stevie Janowski did - he jumped on Kenny Powers' DUI grenade for him. 

That, my friends, is a perfect side kick. 

Say what you want about Robin, Goose's dead ass or Luigi - nobody exudes "side kick" more than Stevie Janowski. First, let's stroll on over to Urban Dictionary to define "sidekick":  

Stevie is all of this on steroids. Is he a bitch? Yes. Every group of friends has that guy everyone else in the group rips constantly on and makes do stupid shit though. Kinda like us with Eddie. They're a necessity, especially when you're trying to get back to the big leagues like Kenny is. You just gotta have someone taking care of all your mundane every day bullshit so you can focus on what's actually important. 

Doing the bitch work takes a sidekick from good to great, though, and that's what Stevie Janowski does better than anyone. If I'm Batman I want Stevie to be my Robin. If I'm Maverick, I want Stevie to be my Goose. If I'm Mario, I want Stevie to by me Luigi. If I'm MJ, I want Stevie to be my Scottie Pippen and yes, I want my son stuffing his wife later on in life. 

Go ahead and shit talk Stevie. I'm sure you will. You're wrong, but it's a free country. Nevertheless, have a listen to the best side kicks draft on this week's Dog Walk: