Frank The Tank's Weight Loss Is Incredible

I saw this tweet come across my timeline this morning and was astonished in the best way possible at the amount of weight our internet sensation Frank the Tank has lost. What an INCREDIBLE transformation!!! 

Goddamn I love it. Just a few short years ago, Frank was about to commit manslaughter on the New Jersey Transit Authority. Today he's struttin' through NYC like a goddamn runway model. 

Real talk though, super proud of him. Everyone that works at Barstool is, and everyone that doesn't should be; and that's not just because he's bettering himself, but you know for damn sure he's going to inspire a lot of other fats to get off their asses and get steppin' too. He's adding years to both his and others life with his morning walks. 

Good on him. And he's not doing anything earth shattering to lose the weigh (I don't think?)…he's just walking. That's literally it and he's down 100+ pounds. 

If you're a fat, that could be you, too. Take it from me, a former fat. About two years ago I lost like 30ish pounds in like 6 weeks. A lot of people noticed, so I penned an essay on the steps I took to lose said weight. I titled my thesis, "How To Lose Weight The Complete Half-Assed Way"

I'll give the TL/DR on how to lose weight very easily here: 

1. Buy a scale. Write the number down. Subtracted your "normal" weight from that number and make that your goal weight loss

2. Buy a Peloton. I bought the most expensive one you can buy. It was $3200, but I financed it through Affirm. Zero down and zero interest if you pay it off on time and don't miss a payment. Easy peasy. With the peloton app and installments, I'm paying about $100 a month. 

I've about 200 rides in about 3 years since owning the machine. 

3. Buy an Apple Watch. Set move goal to 1000 calories and exercise goal to 45 mins. 

4. Walk ~10,000 steps a day, which isn't too difficult at all with a dog 

5. Started eating "half assed healthy" Monday through Friday. Low carbs like a burrito bowl instead of a burrito. No pancakes or french toast or shit like that. No cereal. Just an assload of red meat, eggs, bacon, etc. 

I know this isn't all that healthy. That's the half assed part. 

6. Start being semi-conscious about calorie intake and measuring calories burned. 

7. Cheat meals on weekends followed by a Monday "pound nothing but gallons of water" cleanse until a LIGHT dinner/briner where I'll eat a 100% keto meal, like a shitty Mariano's strip steak and 2 eggs. If I do have a mid-week cheat meal like…a burger (where I'll avoid a good amount of the bun) I MAKE SURE to burn off every ounce of the calories I took in, like the McDonald's I had for breakfast today. If I go out to a nice ass Italian dinner on a Wednesday, I'm going HAM on the 'Ton the next day 

8. Drink a TON of water. I fill up a 1.5 liter of water bottle with tap water and drink at least 3 of them while at home and 3-4 bottles of water at the office. Rarely drink beer unless vodka soda isn't readily available, like at a baseball game. Never ever ever touch pop/soda/energy drinks/etc. That shit is poison. This isn't new to me though, I've done this my entire adult life. 

If your piss has an ounce of yellow in it come noon, you're not drinking enough. 

Boom. 5-6 weeks later, back to the old me. Now I just do what I can to maintain that. Not trying to be some vegan weirdo with a 6 pack. Fuck that noise. 

If you're reading this and thinking to yourself, "man WSD way to make this about yourself!" you'd be posing a fair question. 

Yes, I did see that nobody has blogged Frank's awesome weight loss journey this morning and decided to fire it up. Easy click bait. But I also will never NOT take the chance to tell people to get off their asses for 30-40 mins a day and move a little bit. It's sincerely that easy. That's why I don't care if I come off as an asshole here; people who have lost weight in the past realize how easy it largely is and don't care to hear excuses to why people can't lose weight. Those excuses come off as loser talk. 

Assuming Frank keeps this going, which I am 100% convinced he will, he'll feel the same way I'd bet. 

Long story short, get off your fat asses and move around a little bit. You lard asses