I'm Sick And Tired Of Lazy Barstool Employees (@ Kelly Keegs)
Hello again, my old friends. I know that 99.9% of my blogs since the glorious day six years ago that KMarko (RIP, everyone pour out a cocktail) hooked me up with a backend password have revolved around the sports teams that call home to the great state of Ohio, but every once in a while, something rubs me the wrong way enough that I am forced to step outside my comfort zone and into the Boxing Blogging Ring to take a swing at someone. Today is one of those days.
Let me make something very clear before I begin, and you all already know this: the world would not stop without me. Like the high majority of this company, the show would go on should Dave decide tomorrow that my services were no longer needed. But for someone who worked his butt off for 12 months unpaid to now making less than my rent per month (and never once asking for a penny more), I don't think you could say I've done anything but hold up my end of the bargain. I am expected to do 35 blogs a month, and well folks, according to the 6 month long "Data" tab on the backend of the website and 6 years worth of evidence, I do that.
6th overall on the blog list Hubbs sent out last week, and 16th company wide in the last 6 months of data that I can see. And I have to be 110th of 110 employees on the pay scale. I’d bet my salary with benefits monthly stipend on it.
Point being, say what you want about my fame or status in this company (of which I'm sure all rebuttals will undoubtedly include, despite me just self-detailing the less than minute role I play at the company), one thing you cannot say is that I am costing Barstool money. Unlike some people we will reference later in this blog…
And that brings me to the point of today’s blog:
I don’t know Kelly Keegs, never met her, and honestly don’t have one bad thing to say about her other than she is apparently extremely lazy, takes for granted a job that millions of people would cut their arm off for, and takes advantage of a man who has given a bunch of nobodies the luxurious life of fame and fortune. Am I hearing her correctly?
“I like doing blogs at home on Friday because it’s a day that I don’t have to put fucking makeup on to come in here. Like, that’s my big thing, for me. If I’m being real, that’s why I don’t want to”
– Kelly Keegs
I will not address the not coming into the office on Fridays because she doesn’t want to put makeup on. I think that speaks for itself as perhaps the most embarrassing thing a human can utter (and she said it to Big Cat!!!!), but I will shed some light on the other statement she made that she likes “doing blogs at home on Friday”.
Likes doing blogs at home on Friday. Likes doing blogs at home on Friday. Likes doing blogs at home on Friday…….
Kelly "Blogs From Home on Fridays" Keegs Friday Blogs Counter:
Friday, January 19th: ZERO
Friday, January 12th: ZERO
Friday, January 5th: ZERO
…….you guys ready for this??????
Friday, December 29th: ZERO!
Gotcha with the pump-fake there, didn’t I?
Friday, December 22nd: ZERO
Friday, December 15th: ZERO
Friday, December 8th: ZERO
……you guys ready for this one???
Friday, December 1st: ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But water always finds its level…..
Friday, November 24th: ZERO
Friday, November 17th: ZERO
Guys, I could go on and on and on. She stays home on Fridays to blog, except she doesn’t blog. And I know I’m just a dopey 7th grade Language Arts teacher, but isn’t it the Transitive Property that says if she’s staying home on Fridays to blog……and she doesn’t blog…..then she’s just staying home on Fridays?
Kelly Keegs on a Friday:
Can I trade in the few bucks I make to blog 35 times a month for her full-time salaried position to not work? I mean, she makes more in a year than I have made in the last six combined, perhaps double. I thought this country / company was a meritocracy?
And listen, I know what some of you are thinking: why are you doing this? At least when I chirped Rico and Marty Mush, they had provoked me first, right? Well folks, although Kelly did not specifically mention me by name in her video, I felt a direct attack from her words. And you should, too. The common workers of America. The people that have to go to work on Fridays without makeup on. The people that buy the merch, pay for the Rough N' Rowdy, and purchase Surviving Barstool because we want to see the show go on. You (and me) work so you can support Barstool, so that Barstool can continue to entertain us, and this is the effort we get from some employees…..? I don’t know, you guys. I’m just a random dude who loves to write, loves my Ohio teams, and loves Barstool. And it makes me mad, jealous, and even confused to see people like Kelly admit that she doesn't work on Fridays because she'd have to put on makeup. The fact of the matter is that people would kill for this job, but some of the people that have it don’t appreciate it.
Anyways, gotta go! It’s 4:30 in the morning here and I’ve got 5 AM Friday basketball practice. Then I’m off to school from 7:00a – 3:00p. Then I've got tutoring (the school just upped it to $15 an hour!!!) until 4:15 and coverage of the Wrestling Meet tonight! Leaving my house at 4:30 am, be home around 10 pm. But yes, Hubbs, Nate, and Clem…I will still get a blog or two done today. On a Friday, from work, without makeup on. Can't wait til next Wednesday when I get to fill up my gas tank with my Barstool payday check!!
How’s that for a Friday blog, Kelly? I look forward to hearing your response sometime next week.