Cowboys Cheerleaders Say Packers Players Got in Their Faces, Taunted Them, and Had Them 'Literally on the Verge of Tears'

An important part of contributing to an irreverent comedy site is that you don't take much of anything seriously. By definition. The word itself means "lack of reverence." So we strive to bend the knee to no social or cultural institution. 

But still there are things in this world that are important. Even sacred. There are icons which represent who we are as a people. Powerful symbols of our core values, that are worthy of being venerated. And to disrespect them is to attack all that we stand for. 

And make no mistake. All that we stand for was under attack in Dallas last weekend:

Source - Several cheerleaders of the Dallas Cowboys have claimed to being victims of insults from players on the Packers during Green Bay's wild-card round win last weekend. 

Squad member Darian Lassister called out the lack of class that she and her fellow cheerleaders witnessed throughout their seven-touchdown onslaught in Dallas on Sunday. 

'I have never experienced such disrespect from the other teams' players to the cheerleaders in my five years as an NFL cheerleaders,' she said in a now-viral video shared on TikTok on Wednesday night.

'We would literally be minding our business and the Packers just score a touchdown - this is one example. 

'They would come up to us standing on the sidelines minding our own business and start yelling at us.'

She then described feelings of contempt while reflecting on ways that the Packers had gotten in her and fellow cheerleaders' faces. 

'I feel like it's unsportsmanlike conduct and it's so crazy how they can't do that to the Cowboys or any other players, but they can do it to the cheerleaders and nothing's going to happen,' she further said. …

What's more is, that a second Cowboys cheerleader echoed Lassiter's claims in the section of her video, while also seemingly being traumatized by the experience on the sidelines. 

Take everything I've said about cheerleaders and multiply it by 10 to the 100 when it comes to Darian Lassiter, Jensen Merrill and their crew. There is no personification of all that is good about America like the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader. She exemplifies all that is best in our character. Pep. Energy. Hair. Dancing. Charisma. Abs. Choreography. Booty shorts. Boots. Attractiveness. Desirability. And, as the name implies, Cheer. 

If an alien species wanted to make first contact and instructed us to send a space ship containing the best representation of humankind, I'd want to make the best first impression by sending one of these ladies. But we can't spare any. So instead I'd send them a copy of the 1979 VHS classic Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders starring Jane Seymour and Bucky Dent:

Or at the very least, a copy of the Love Boat they were on:

So to disrespect them, to drag the Cheerleaders into your insignificant little blood feud, to escalate the war on the field over to the sidelines and make these ideals of American womanhood collateral damage? That is unforgivable. You might as well piss on the Statue of Liberty. Or take a dump in the Liberty Bell, then wipe your ass with the Bill of Rights.

And here's what really kills me. I believe most of us would say similar respectful things about the Green Bay Packers. A franchise of proud tradition from a small town in middle America. Literally owned by the people who love and support it the most. It's appalling they'd be the ones harassing our best and brightest. I mean, you could almost expect it from some loser franchise or expansion team. But one should expect more from the Packers. This was Icon-on-Icon crime. And easily one of the most shameful chapters in the history of our great nation. 

Be better. Be like Darian Lassiter and her fellow Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders. Or we're doomed.