There's A Clear Generational Divide Based On If You Think These NHL All-Star Jerseys Are The Most Heinous Shit You've Ever Seen Or Not
The jerseys for next month's NHL All-Star Game were revealed over the weekend. Upon the initial glance, these pieces of shit belong in the trash and the designer belongs in Guantanamo. If you stare at them for a little longer, well I'm willing to admit they're not the most criminally offensive things I've ever seen in my life. Close, but not the absolute worst. Let's not allow ourselves to forget the atrocity the league hit us with in 2015.
2015 was a bizarre time in the world. I feel like every kid in America was running around in the neon Cam Newton cleats and somehow we just accepted that as a society. Wild behavior.
But the thing about jerseys is that there are two sides to them. Not sure if you guys know this or not, but there is a front and there is a back. And thanks to the Florida Panthers website accidentally leaking this out, we now get a look at the back. And let me tell ya, buddy,,,,,,these things fucking STINK.
Did the NHL really just give us an Instagram story font for the names of the best hockey players on the planet? I can't even get myself to even think about what is going on with the numbers on these abominations. Shit looks like nothing more than glorified comic sans. But it's the name plate and font that is driving me up a wall.
I know that complaining about jerseys is a tired tradition. I get that we freak out every year about jerseys and say things like "these are the worst thing I've ever seen in my life" until the next year's uniform comes out and we repeat the same thing about those. But…I mean…come on. They don't even have any capitalization. I feel like I'm taking crazy pills.
And there's where the generational divide lies. For some godforsaken reason, kids these days are violently opposed to capitalization. Maybe they feel threatened by big letters and it makes them feel like you're yelling at them. Maybe their poor little feelings can't handle any sense of formality or else they get trigged. But where I come from, you capitalize the first letter of a last name out of respect and decency. You're going to have Connor McDavid out there--the best hockey player on planet Earth--wearing these god awful uniforms and you don't even have the common courtesy to capitalize his last name? God I hate the youths.
I don't even feel like I'm that old, either. I mean 31 sure as shit ain't young, but it's not ancient either. I'm young enough that I've never seen a Canadian team win the Stanley Cup, but old enough that I vividly remember the two-line pass rule. But in internet years, I guess that makes me 95.
So there is your line of demarcation. If you have no issues with these All Star jerseys, then you're still young in age, spirit, and heart. If you think these are an abomination and should get thrown in the trash before the boys hit the ice on February 3rd, then come and join me being the old man yelling at the clouds.