NBC New York Can Piss All the Way Off With Their Incessant Patriots Trolling
What a fitting ending this is to the worst week since Tom Brady announced he was leaving New England and it set off a worldwide shutdown of everything that was good and major economic collapse. (At least that's how I remember it. Cause. Effect.) Fucking NBC Fucking New York still trolling with their stupid fucking one note running gag:
Get a new schitck, One Trick Ponies. How would you like it if every time Boston mentions New York we pull the same thing?
The Florida mansion that Derek Jeter, who sharted away a 3-0 lead in the ALCS to the Red Sox, was rented by 7-time Super Bowl champion Tom Brady …
The 17-time NBA champion Celtics face the Knicks, who've only won two, both coming when Nixon was still President …
Bill Belichick, who has a boat called VIII Rings, routinely wiped his ass with the Jets, whose best player is the worst member of the Hall of Fame but got in because he won that one Super Bowl before man had even walked on the moon, but they still won't shut up about it …
My point being that if you're going to define someone by their worst moment(s), you'd better have your house completely in order. How would these NBC New York twats like it if every time their garbage station gets mentioned, they get reminded local news is a dying industry and they're doing it in a city that has somehow managed to actually be worse than it was portrayed in Escape from New York? Then the joke would be on the other shoe. Or whatever.
I know I wouldn't appreciate it if instead of my friends talking about what a talented, witty, erudite silver fox I've become, they bring up the time in 1st grade when I asked Mrs. Logan if I could go to the boys room and for some reason she said "No," so I held it in for as long as I could until I finally peed pants. I mean, they never do. But now that I've just mentioned it here, I'm sure they won't let me forget it. And bring it up like Jets fans still yammering on about stupid Super Bowl III.
So this is my very reasonable plea for NBC NY to drop the bit. It's old and played out. They've had their fun. Bringing it up any further would be like ignoring all the good Prince Andrew has done and only talking about the many, many trips to Epstein Island. OK, not the best comparison. But my emotions are still raw and I'm in no frame of mind for their awful jokes.
All I'll say in conclusion is that you'll have to kick Belichick and Brady when they're down somewhere else now. Because they don't belong to us any more. Which actually only makes it worse. So instead I'll just say "Fuck off, New York." Leave us alone and let me die in peace.