Live EventGet Ready For NFL Sunday With The Barstool Sports AdvisorsWatch Now
Surviving Barstool | New Episodes Tuesday, Wednesday & Thursday 8PM ETTUNE IN

Stop Playing With Fire - Lexington Scientists Sent A Message To Space Urging Aliens To Visit The City So They Can See Horses And Drink Bourbon

[Source] - A Kentucky city has drummed up a unique way to boost tourism in the Blue Grass state — by blasting an invitation to aliens possibly living in a star system 40 lightyears away.

Scientists in Lexington — along with a clever advertising team from VisitLex — sent a coded infrared laser message to TRAPPIST-1, a star with at least seven exoplanets believed to be potentially hospitable to life.

What are we doing here? I get you want to be friendly to aliens because we don't know what the fuck they are like. But this? This is playing with fire. Don't get me wrong, aliens should visit Lexington. It's an elite city. You have everything in the world there. Best track in America? Good luck convincing me Keeneland isn't that. You get to see stake races, eat some burgoo, sundresses and suits everywhere. Best way to spend a Friday afternoon. 

I'll tell you what the last thing I want though. Aliens all hopped on bourbon. You know what bourbon does to some people? They want to fight. You get a little too much brown water in you and emotions run high. I don't want a pissed off alien who sucked down a little too much bourbon. Can't have it wandering down Main Street or popping into Pazzo's or Tin Roof. 

We all know aliens exist. I've listened to far too much Blink 182 and been on the Internet far too long to not think that. The point is, we gotta be ready for them. Can't be inviting them in with open arms. Not to a place like Lexington. Next thing you know they overtake the college and Calipari is going to be forced to recruit them. Okay, maybe I can get behind that one. We know Cal is an innovator, I wouldn't be shocked if he gets some extraterrestrial on the roster for rim protection.  

All that said, it's time for aliens to shit or get off the pot. So many stories about aliens and messages yet no alien walking around. If they are here, it's time. Announce yourself. Go put in a pick-4 and get in the crowd like the rest of us. But make sure, you know, that you're an actual alien. We need to see what these fuckers are like already.