Enough! It's Time For Us Balds To Fight Back Against The Hair-Having Community After Hearing This Reporter Bring Up Brian Daboll's 'Hair Jealousy'

Enough is enough! I've seen this clip starting to go around and everyone having a good chuckle at the reporter asking if Brian Daboll is jealous of hair. It's time us balds come together and put an end to this direct attack on our look. It's time for us balds to stick together and start saying no when asked if we're jealous. Oh look at you with your fancy haircut, probably with a part on the side and some swoop up front. Well guess what? We don't have to pay for haircuts. We can wear a hat and not worry about hat hair. Bed head? Never heard of it! 

Just looking around here I'm stuck looking at guys with great hair. Guys like Klemmer, Marty Mush, Brandon Walker when he was first hired, Mintzy. Guys just peacocking around showing up the rest of us with that beautiful, beautiful lettuce. You know what's beautiful? Guys like Gaz (if he ever takes a hat off), Clem and Large. Just a few olds who happen to have the same hairstyle. Excuse me, a couple olds who happen to have the same perfect hairstyle. 

We got a pretty solid bald community outside of Barstool too that needs to use their voice. Dom Toretto? Ever heard of him? Think about what a thumbs up to the hair-having community would do

How about The Rock? He needs to shine up his head real nice, turn it sideways and stick it up the hair-havers ass. Shit, we can stay in the greatest era of wrestling. You wanted The Rock's rival? They'll come together here. That's right I'm talking Stone Cold. Time to open up a can of whoop ass on hair. Chug some beers and by that I mean have it spill all over our shirts while we fight back. 

Brian Daboll? Okay, maybe let's just work on that offensive line, pal. Maybe find a quarterback while we're at it. You can take a break from the good fight for now. We got Michael Jordan? Best basketball player ever who knows he's a bald and not overcompensating by any means. 

Those are all names before we even get to Pitbull. Mr. Worldwide. Mr. 305. If there's ever been a man ready to lead the fight for the balds it's him. Probably make a catchy tune with Kesha about it and make a billion dollars. 

But the point is enough is enough. No more bald slander. No more jealousy. You don't see me going to really tall guys and asking if they are jealous that I can sit comfortably on an airplane. I'm jealous of plenty of things. Good headlines, youth, metabolism, understanding adult things like tools, cars and the stock market. But not my bald head. Sure, I have to make sure it's shaved perfectly so I'm not toeing the line of balding vs bald, but it's my battle nonetheless. Enjoy your weekly $75 haircut.