Who Are The Top 5 Guys All Time You Would Draft For A Las Vegas Guys Trip?
Ethan Miller. Getty Images.If you had to put together your strongest five public/famous people for an end-all-be-all guy’s Vegas Trip, who would it be?
We’re talking about you have a terminal illness, have nothing else to worry about anymore, financials, marriage or relationship, career, nada. You’re dead soon. So you decide to blow it the fuck out in Sin City, and the adult version of Make-A-Wish, which you never knew existed, reaches out to you and says they’ll line up any famous person you want for your trip. And they don’t even have to be alive. They can bring whoever you want back from the dead for you this weekend. They can be real, or fictional.
Who are you taking?
For me, here’s who I’m going with.
Charley Gallay. Getty Images.1 - Charlie Sheen
The original "Chuckster". This guy is Las Vegas. If he's not your #1 then you missed the assignment here.
This guy's banged so many hookers, (and bragged about it), that it's a miracle he still has a penis. He invented the famous saying that he "doesn't pay them for sex. He pays them to leave." for crying out loud.
He's got you more than covered in that department.
He's done enough drugs to kill an elephant. In fact, he's so immune to them at this point that he has tiger blood.
Wanna stay up until the sun comes up betting on LA Clippers basketball and University of Hawaii football? Charlie's got you covered. And he'll bet the book into the ground. Charlie was notorious for sports betting way before Dave and Dan made it so cool.
Handout. Getty Images.2- Hunter Biden
The man who is the reason this blog even came about.
I was cruising twitter on my flight last night and saw this breaking news.
Hunter Biden. Indicted.
Do you have any idea how much $188,000 in "adult entertainment" is?
How is that even possible?
Was he playing "Brewster's Millions" with hookers?
You think you're a badass cuz you can some a joint and still function? Have you seen the videos the NY Times covered up and told us all were fake of Hunter hitting a fucking crack pipe and then running a train? Let's see you compete with that, lightweight.
I think the only guy who can hang with Hunter is Charlie, so you won't need to worry about either of them running you and the rest of the group into the ground. They'll cancel themselves out and while you take a power nap. They'll just be banging 7 gram rocks around the clock together, forgetting the rest of you even exist.
You make the mistake and only bring one of these alpha dogs, and you're fucked. They're sinking this entire crew like the Lusitania.
You can laugh all you want, but despite but what the fake news tries to tell us, Hunter is a a very respectable, and accomplished man. His dad can't tell the entire free world how proud he is of him enough.
When was the last time your dad told you he was proud of you?
Case closed.
Getty Images.3- Dennis Rodman
If you look up the word peacock in the dictionary, the 3rd or 4th definition of the word would be Dennis Rodman.
The guy attracts eyeballs everywhere he goes. He's electric.
Chicks throw themselves at him. He'd have your crew fighting them off with sticks everywhere you go.
Plus he's legendary in Vegas enough to guarantee he's known and has clout everywhere you go. He can talk his way or get you into anywhere you want to go, no questions asked. Plus he's into some real freak shit and has seen just about everything so he probably knows about the underground ZJ clubs and stuff us common folk could never even dream of.
Also, do I even have to explain this guy's stable?
High probability of running into somebody off that list while you're in town and who knows where that will lead.
4- Allen from Hangover
If you're going to be rolling around Vegas for a weekend with two of the biggest coke fiends who also happen to be two of the biggest kinks and whore-hounds of all time (looking at you Charlie and Hunter), then you need a guy in your squad who can, "procure" things.
Allen proved himself numerous times as a man who can round up whatever the situation calls for.
He's like a modern-day medicine man mixed with your local prison commissary guy.
The only problem with the guy who can literally find you anything you're looking for, is that this also means they often find trouble.
Live by the sword, die by the sword.
(Sidebar- I was just thinking how good of a category this would be for the Dog Drafts my Chicago guys do. I would love to propose it if I was ever invited on again but I've already been on twice in the past two years so gotta mix it up. Total coincidence two of the funniest moments in Dog Draft history happened when I was there, nbd.)
Have me back on fellas. You're making me openly beg. Have your people (Danny) reach out to my people (me).)
Eric Robert. Getty Images.5- Mr. T.
This group has a lot of guys who can find trouble, and like to run their mouth, so you're going to need some muscle.
Look no further than Mr. T.
Find be a badder man on the planet. You can't.
There is 0% chance anybody with a brain is fucking with you if Mr. T is rolling with your crew.
He also has serious, serious game with the ladies. Guy just feeds them soup, right in front of their own men, without even blinking.
Plus, I can't confirm this, but I'm willing to bet he's got a horse cock. And all chicks, once stepping foot in Las Vegas, love to see and/or handle a horse cock. Sorry, I don't make the rules.
That's my squad.
Who you got?
p.s. - alternate in the chance one of these 5 is in the Super Bowl and can't compete, is KB