Jim Irsay Says He's Been Discriminated Against as a White Billionaire

I like to consider myself the internet's #1 Jim Irsay defender. I didn't choose that role because I thought it would be easy. In some ways it is. For example, Jim Irsay loves his team. He wants nothing more than for the Colts be successful. You can't say that about every owner. It's also easy to defend him when he does things like announce to the world that he's going to spend millions of dollars moving an elderly whale across the country. 

Yes, the whale ended up dying before the move, and I'm not entirely sure the stress of preparing a 50+ year old whale for a cross country flight didn't have anything to do with it's death, but Jim's heart was in the right place. He's an animal lover.

But this morning the internet presented me with old footage of Jim Irsay bemoaning the plight he faced as a white billionaire in the Indianapolis suburb of Carmel, Indiana. That might sound like a place where a while billionaire would fit in swimmingly, but Jim says otherwise. Personally, I've never been to Carmel. I don't know what it's like, so who am I to tell Jim otherwise. Let me just run a quick Google search on Carmel and see what comes up. Maybe I can learn a little something about their culture.

Now that might look like a playground for wealthy whites. But that video doesn't tell us anything. You have to realize that the parents of those white children are multi-millionaires at best. I bet some of them make merely six-figures. Those poors can't relate to Jim Irsay. If a Project Manager at NiSource gets pulled over with Vicodin stuffed in his cheeks the cop gives him a high five and sends him off down I-465. Classic police corruption. Always turning the other cheek to less-privileged offenders in pursuit of well-connected billionaires.

They didn't even consider the fact that Jim had just had surgery. His hip was in shambles. That's the only reason he couldn't walk. Let's be real for a second. Of course he had drugs in his system. But do you really think Jim Irsay can't walk a straight line while under the influence of heavy narcotics? Brother, he couldn't walk a straight line without them. We can't have a sober Jim Irsay loose on the streets. I shudder to think of the damage a completely dry Irsay would have on society.

Being born into an extremely wealthy family and inheriting an NFL football franchise isn't as easy as it seems. People don't think enough about the trails and tribulations of billionaires in this country. People are out to get you. They're either making fun of the fact that you play kazoo in a band, or saying you can't force your cheerleaders to entertain your guests topless, or recording you telling your secret girlfriend that she can't be seen with black people. It's a cold world out there for white billionaires. Good on you for speaking up Jim. 

Alright Jim, there ya go. I tried my best. I'll keep fighting the good fight for as long as I can.