I've Created The Perfect Thanksgiving Food Tier List

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Thanksgiving, the perfect American holiday where it's time to give thanks and enjoy some good family company. I'm old enough to remember Bosco's Thanksgiving texts that he would throw around 80 employees in an iMessage group chat and give us a nice couple words on how thankful he is. Either I was uninvited from the list or those stopped happening, and I can't eloquently put my gratitude like he can, but may whoever is reading this enjoy a nice plate and hopefully a relaxing day to boot. I'll be spending mine alone this year, and to some that's a dream come true:

Which has given me the time to perfect my third annual Thanksgiving food tier ranking. Usually I just put this on my Instagram and debate with a bunch of stuffing warriors (more on that later), so why not throw this on the blog to get a take off too. Tastes develop and some years you're likely craving different things, but this may be my Magnum opus. Without further ado:

It's time we admit stuffing is just wet soggy garbage. I don't know what stuffing everyone else is having, but any plate I've ever been served on Thanksgiving has never had good stuffing. Sure, you may say I'm just some robot AI blogger, and what do robots know about good cuisine, to which I say the harshest truths are better than comfortable lies. 

Creamed corn that low might put me further down Brandon Walker's list of people he hates, which is fine, but soupy milk corn will never get an approval rating from me. Turkey and ham are both middle of the pack, and ham would be rated higher if you truly had to choose. The sides are what makes Thanksgiving, so long as it's not stuffing or creamed corn. Give me a glass of red wine, maybe a singular piece of ham, with some mashed potatoes, a roll, and some mac and cheese and you've created the perfect plate. Finish it off with another glass of red wine and some pumpkin pie and then a nap afterwards and you'll never hate Thanksgiving again.

If we're talking casseroles, then green bean clears the sweet potato variety. Cranberries are a no in general, but if you're going to have it, do the liquid version not the jellied one. And corn should be enjoyed in its simplest form. I think that's it. I'm ready to debate. Have a great Thanksgiving everyone.