A Leader for Our Times: Argentina's New President 'The Madman' is a Tantric Sex Coach Who Enjoys Threesomes, Rolling Stones Covers, and Talking to His Dead Dog

EMILIANO LASALVIA. Getty Images.

At the risk of sounding a bit xenophobic, Argentina is one of those countries that tends to only get mentioned this site if we're talking about international soccer, beauty pageants, or America's most overexposed dating relationship:

And if Argentina's political system ever got a mention here, I surely missed it. For all I knew until this morning, Argentina could've been ruled by a constitutional democracy, a hereditary monarchy, a dukedom, or a benevolent, three-member Future Council who rule according to the wise teachings of Wyld Stallyns:

But that was then. This is now. And what the world is waking up to is the fact that the Argentinian people have elected a new president. One who, whatever his ideology, however skilled a chief executive he will be, how effective he'll be at governing, has already passed the most important test any political leader faces. 

Javier Milei is, without a doubt, blog-worthy.

I mean, if he didn't already achieve that status by having the hair of a Benny Hill character and giving interviews like your uncle at Thanksgiving after his third Jim Beam: 

… he definitely cemented it by running a chainsaw in the middle of a crowd of adoring supporters:

But we're not here just for that. Come for the potentially lethal outdoor power equipment; stay for the Sex, Dead Dogs, and Rock 'n Roll:

Source - Milei – who is also a prominent economist and radio chat-show host – has spoken about his preference for threesomes, why he believes poor people should be free to sell their body parts, and how he enjoys communicating via telepathy with his dead dog for political advice. …

Argentina has a weakness for extreme leaders, and the country – an economic basket-case where annual inflation rate shockingly stands at over 115 percent – may be about to vote in its wildest yet … in large part due to support from young voters who are so disenchanted with more ‘conventional’ politicians that they have turned to a man whose recent biography was titled El Loco (The Madman). …

‘If I had to choose between the state and the mafia, I would choose the mafia,’ he once said. ‘Because the mafia has codes, the mafia adapts, the mafia doesn't lie. And above all, the mafia competes.’ …

Milei is also so anti-progressive he has repeatedly taken aim – rather bizarrely – at Pope Francis, his compatriot, calling him a ‘f***ing communist’, ‘communist turd’ and the ‘representative of the evil one on Earth’ in brutal social media posts, simply because of his perceived support for ‘social justice’ and policies to help the poor.

‘Jesus didn’t pay taxes,’ Milei memorably tweeted. …

At home he keeps four 200lb English Mastiffs. All named after famous right-wing economists – and each one cloned from a fifth, now-dead dog named Conan (after the Barbarian).

A recent biography by journalist Juan Luis González revealed Milei studies telepathy in his spare time and has a medium to ‘communicate’ with Conan, who died in 2017, asking him for advice on political matters.

Astonishingly, Milei hasn’t denied the claims. ‘What I do in my house is my business,’ he told a Spanish newspaper.

Not that he’s usually so secretive.

Milei, who is single and has never married, proudly says he used to be an instructor of tantric sex – a slow, meditative form of intercourse based on Eastern philosophies where the end goal is not orgasm but enjoyment of the process – and could go a full three months without ejaculating.

He’s also talked openly about having threesomes.

Even so, he has called Conan the greatest love of his life, an animal he so cherished that during a financially tough period he survived only on pizza so Conan had enough to eat. …

As a teenager, Milei sang in ‘Everest’, a rock band that knocked out Rolling Stones covers. He still behaves like a wannabe rock star now, strutting around on the election trail in a black leather jacket shaking an unruly mane of thick black hair that is so peculiar it has earned him a nickname: The Wig. …

Milei says he never combs the hairdo and that only his party’s vice president, Lilia Lemoine, a keen cosplayer, is authorized to style it. She also does his makeup.

Needless to say, I'm not going to come across phrases like "party's vice president" and "keen cosplayer" without doing some research. And I'm glad I did.

Lilia Lemoine can style my thick, lustrous, pH-balanced, silvery mane any time. With sexy cosplay Wolverine claws, if she so pleases. 

But based on what little we know of Javier Milei, would he have any other kind of political ally? Lilia Lemoine is the jewel at the center of this Russian nesting doll of craziness. A man who ran on a platform of free markets, even freer sex, pro-Mafia, anti-Pope Francis, pro-dog to the point starving himself for the sake of his dog, then speaking to his dog through a psychic medium, and pro-Rolling Stones, and managed to get elected of a nation deserves nothing but the best. 

Things are apparently tough in Argentina. The economy is struggling if not completely collapsing. So they've turned to a populist candidate who reflects the anger and frustration of the voting public to take a chainsaw to the institutions that have failed them. And you can see the logic. Because if candidate is too much man for one woman and can teach a slow, meditative form of intercourse where you go a full three months without ejaculating, then he's probably capable of solving all your problems. 

I hope they're right. Larga vida Argentina.