Dear Jordie And Philadelphia, No One Is Trying To Be You. Respectfully, The People Of Baltimore

I guess we're doing this for a little bit? Jordie was very unhappy with my friend and Barstool Blogger, Banks, tweeting a clip of M&T Bank being very loud during the Thursday night game vs the Bengals. Apparently Philly fans think Baltimore and it's lovely people are trying to be them and steal all their stuff? That couldn't be further from the truth. I'm not sure anyone wants to be Philly. I'm not a Ravens fan, but the atmosphere looked awesome last night and you could tell the place was rocking from the Bengals having to burn 2 timeouts in the 1st quarter along with 5 pre-snap penalties. Bank was rocking, a simple statement. That has sent one man and an entire city down a weird road saying that the city of Baltimore wants to be Philadelphia. That couldn't be further from the truth.

No one wants to be Philadelphia, no one. Idk if you remember, but Philly was once the capital of this lovely Country, and then it wasn't. It got taken away. Says something, doesn't it? And again, I'm not a Ravens fan, but Baltimore did lose the Colts, but that is because of an alcoholic owner who by all accounts was an awful person, at least his son is keeping that streak alive. Jordie wasn't happy that I have called the Orioles "the birds" in the past. Okay. Sure. Is it the Orioles #1 nickname? No, that would be the "O's". But is it so appalling to call a team named after a bird? Because drunk Philly idiots scream "GOOOOOOOO BIRDS" that means no one else with a bird mascot can? I never really called the O's "the Birds" but you're damn right I will now. I don't recall Philly or any fans having an issue in 2014 when we called Camden Yards "Birdland". No one screamed or hollered then, why now? People have literally called the Ravens and Orioles "BAD BIRDS" for a long time. So that complaint isn't too valid in my eyes, sorry Jordie.

The Phillies have been awesome the last few seasons, been a ton of fun to watch making a run to the World Series in 2022 and then the NLCS in 2023. What was that song that they have been playing for 2 years? It's such a good song, a really cool thing that the Phillies have done on their own for years and years, right?

Ah shit. I guess they just flat out stole it from the Red Sox when they used it like 3 years ago. Insert "identity theft is not a joke" gif here. And don't say it's from Kyle Schwarber, it should be and was a Red Sox thing. So you have that. Unoriginal move there.

Another thing Jordie harped on was the fact that Banks called the Ravens Stadium "The Bank". I don't know if you know this, but the Ravens stadium is named "M&T Bank". The Phillies ballpark is called "Citizens Bank Park". Let's do a little history lesson, the Ravens stadium was opened in 1998 after they played a few games at old Memorial Stadium. It was PSINet until PSINet went bankrupt in 2002 and in 2003 it was renamed "M&T Bank", also known as "The Bank". The Phillies opened their ballpark in 2004. Hmm, weird. So Ravens fans have been calling their team's stadium "The Bank" since 2003, a year before the Phillies opened their ballpark and the Ravens and people of Baltimore are in the wrong? How does that work. You all were late to the party, don't try and gatekeeper a nickname you didn't have first. But let's check the almighty Wiki. 

So weird how that works. Also, let's check in and see who Philly had in mind when they build their version of "The Bank". 

Color me shocked, Philly being unoriginal and jacking more of other teams stuff. 

Chickies & Petes is a Philly landmark, we all know about it. We also all know about the fraud "crab fries" that they serve that actually don't have any crab on them. They use "crab seasoning". Philly isn't know for crabs. Or seafood for that much. They're known for Cheesesteaks and everyone knows the best place to get Philly Cheesesteaks are in Jersey. What city on the east coast is known for having great crabs, seafood, and crab seasoning? Oh, wait a fucking minute. That's Baltimore. Look at these two random pictures and let me know which one looks like the real crab fry and which city is piggybacking and stealing stuff from others…..

So one of them actually has crab on it. One doesn't. So again, I don't know where or why Philly thinks they can claim "crab fries" as their own when in fact, they aren't. 

I promise you that I don't care this much about the little brother syndrome Philadelphia has towards Baltimore for some reason. I really don't. I don't know why a whole region is outraged at a group of local fans nickname for a bunch of bricks, steel and grass. Baltimore has 2 teams with bird mascots, Philly has 1. Who gives a shit? I hope Jordie is sitting down when he finds out that Rick Dempsey and Real Fan Dan like to spell out their teams name using chants, hope that is okay with Philadelphia since they were the first to spell things out loud. It's crazy that Philadelphia not only invented birds, but banks as well. Crazy. 

Philadelphia also constructed a cheap statue of a play called "Philly Philly" that they stole from the Bears, haven't heard one Chicago fan cry about that. It's probably because no one gives a shit about stuff like this. Both cities are ass, both have good sports teams, both are being overrun with drugs and murder, both have awful accents, that is about it when it comes to Baltimore and Philly. I don't think anyone wants to be Philly or Baltimore, so there, egg on both of our faces. 

So idk what to tell you Jordie, no one wants to be Philly. Especially the Baltimorons. We're fine down here with the Birds and the Bank and the real crab fries. Keep your bad cheesesteaks and reused nicknames up there. We don't want to be Philly, hell, we don't even want to be Baltimore half the time, but we sure as hell don't want to be you all or steal half your stuff.

PS. Jordie said this?

"But I'm sick of it. And the worst part is that Philly and Baltimore never really get a chance to play each other in anything."

Does 1983 not mean anything to him?