Eric Cartman Is The Greatest Character In TV History

Sub to Barstool Chicago on YouTube 

This might come as a shock to you all, but my cohorts at Barstool Chicago (or whatever the fuck we're calling ourselves these days) have pathetic taste when it comes to just about anything at all and this week's draft further proves that statement of fact.

I'm not even kidding this time, either. They sincerely gross me out; they give me the heebie jeebies, if you will. But it's not just their lack of having any fashion sense at all, their poor comedic timing or their general disposition - all of which disgust me to know end - but that they still - in the year 2023 - won't watch South Park, one TV's all time great shows 

Because if they did they'd be able to yuck it up about some of TV's ALL TIME great characters: Eric Cartman

Those idiots even went as far as to give me shit about drafting all cartoon characters. Who cares when my picks were objectively funnier and better developed characters than most other "real" characters drafted? It shouldn't matter one iota. All that matters is if the character makes you laugh and laugh a lot, and Eric Cartman has done that PLENTY over the last 25 or w/e years.

So, without further adieu, here are my 5 favorite Eric Cartman moments: 

5. Cartman spitting in the Nanny's mouth: 

4. Introducing Awesome-o to Butters

3. Ginger pride rally

2. Scott Tenorman Must Die (aka the birth of Eric Cartman as we know him) 

1. Cartman avoids fighting Wendy and takes a dump on Garrison's desk

He's simply TV's all time greatest character. Don't care of he's a cartoon. I coulda gone on and on and on about how hilarious, evil and well developed Cartman is and then done the same with Randy, Butters, Garrison and like 5 other characters in that show. That's why I'm confident I'll win this week's draft, too, because I know the people know exactly what I'm talking about. And on that note, subscribe to Barstool Chicago and vote (correctly hint hint) in this week's snake draft: