Australian Children Are Beating The Shit Out of Each Other and Calling it a Trend
NY Post - Violent videos of Australian schoolchildren are spreading across social media in what police fear is a disturbing new trend.
More than 20 of the videos, which show kids beating and kicking each other, have been shared to one social media page alone within the last month.
The trend has swept schools across Melbourne, with alarming footage showing students throwing others onto the ground, stomping on each other’s heads and even kicking them.
If there's one thing I know about Barstool Sports, it's that we're GREAT at identifying the latest trends. I love a good trend. From hot girls dancing like wacky-inflatable-arm-flailing-tube-men, to people walking up and down pyramids of milk crates and snapping their necks in half, to those assholes on TikTok who put a bunch of buttons on the floor and try to convince us that their dog Bunny can talk (that last one's not a trend I just fucking hate these guys).
But my favorite trends are the trends that aren't trends at all. I enjoy the trends that are more like crimes. Take swatting for example. Or remember the knockout game? Someone would sneak up behind an unsuspecting stranger and drive their fist through the back of their head. They'd video tape the whole thing and say that it's a fun new game. Hell yeah. That's how you fucking trend on the internet.
Got his ass. Classic knockout prank.
As of recently, Australia has trending figured out. Because according to a NY Post article I just found while I was desperately looking for a cheap story to blog about, the newest Australian TikTok trend (particularly at Point Cook Senior College, St Albans Secondary College, Frankston High School, St Francis Xavier College and Tarneit Senior College) is "fucking up your classmates".
The publication wrote in April that on one Instagram page alone, there had been more than 140 brutal fights that involved public and private schools posted.
In one video, two students are fighting in a bathroom with one student thrown to the ground as the other looms over and repeatedly punches them.
Another video shows a boy throwing punches at his victim at least six times in a schoolyard before classmates went to save him.
Even the St Albans train station became the sight of a brawl, with the footage showing a female student dragging another girl across the ground by her dreadlocks as the victim screams for help.
Now that's how you trend boys and girls. That's how you go viral. Good ol' fashioned Australian kid fights. Beating the fuck out of your classmates to the tune of 15k views is how you come up in this world.
Now to be fair, the average Australian teen gets into 1.5 fist fights per school day. They also all have pet kangaroos and hunt their food with boomerangs. They say "cunt" a lot too. So I'm pretty sure this new "trend" is just Australian kids filming their every day lives. But regardless, it's fantastic content. Violence always plays, and as long as you film it and call it a "trend" or a "game" then it's all in good fun. Sure, it might result in an innocent kid who never bothers anyone suffering a severe concussion, but brains heal. Concussions aren't a big deal anyways. Antonio Brown is thriving.
If this is the newest trend then Barstool needs to step their game up. The New York office needs to take notes. Chicago has all their fancy new studios, and basketball courts, and golf simulators, and masseuses who give happy endings for free. If we ever want to earn those types of amenities in New York, our views need to skyrocket. So unless someone plans on getting really fucking funny, we're gonna have to start fighting each other. I'm willing to turn The Rundown set into a fight club. I'm a reasonable guy. What's going to get more views, Tommy, Glenny, Kelly Keegs talking about Taylor Swift? Or Nate vs. Klemmer in a fight to the death. It's a no brainer.