Snakes Alive!!! My Arizona Diamondbacks Are Going To The World Series

Nobody deserves it more than me. The snakes are very much alive. Chaos has been embraced. The Arizona Diamondbacks are going to the World Series.

I don't watch a lot of baseball. A few weeks ago I was sitting in bed when Game 1 of the Brewers vs Diamondbacks wildcard series started. I thought to myself, "I don't think I've ever met a Diamondbacks fan in my life. Maybe I'll cheer for them in the playoffs. Just to have a little something to keep my interest."

Boy did they ever keep my interest. The Diamondbacks won the next 5 games without breaking a sweat. Swept the Brewers in Milwaukee. Swept the 100 win Dodgers. All the sudden I had gotten way more than I bargained for when I flippantly declared my fandom for no reason whatsoever. I never thought I'd be up watching baseball until midnight for the next 3 weeks. I bought a big stupid hat and everything.

I was starting to think the Diamondbacks would never lose a baseball game. But then the NLCS started. Diamondbacks vs Phillies. I got kind of uncomfortable. I saw how much the Phillies meant to my co-workers, and the city of Philadelphia as a whole. To be candid with you, I felt like a dick cheering against them, considering I'd been a fake Diamondbacks fan for less than half a month. People at Barstool take cheering for their teams extremely seriously. That's something I've never related to, but I very much respect the people who do. They're the only reason I have a job. And I was just doing a bit right in their face. I hadn't been through any pain or heartbreak to get to this point. I just picked a team and they made a playoff run. It was so easy.

But then the Phillies immediately won 2 games at home and threw themselves a parade of Macy's Day proportions. And to be perfectly honest, they were a little rude about it. A lot stuff like this.

What hell, Jordie? What did the kind fans of Phoenix, Arizona do to deserve that? We didn't want any problems. We just wanted a nice respectful series between 2 teams that everyone agrees equally deserve to be here. Just wanted to have a little fun cheering for our  snakes and watching the best sport in the world. Maybe some lighthearted guff between fans, but nothing more. There was no need for foul language. But Phillies fans decided to be ugly. Then it was personal. Luckily, the Diamondbacks didn't hear no bell see no comically sized Spongebob Squarepants balloon floating down 34th street.

So after we tied up the series, I felt a little less bad about cheering against them. I still felt kind of bad. Some people even referred to me as "a fraud" (i.e. Smitty)

Another disrespectful (albeit 100% correct) Philly fan. But let me be clear about something. I never pretended to be the Arizona Diamondbacks #1 fan. I just automatically became it when I was the first person to ever declare it on the internet. 

Still, with the series was tied 2-2, at no point did I think the Diamondbacks were going to win. The Phillies were a team of destiny. Honestly, they're the most likeable team I've ever seen. In any other situation where I didn't randomly choose to cheer for the Diamondbacks out of boredom, I'd be all aboard the Phillies bandwagon. 

When the Phillies went up 3-2 going back to Philadelphia, I'd all but threw in the towel. But somehow, someway, the Diamondbacks won Game 6. It was actually kind of crazy. It's like the Phillies didn't even try. Aaron Nola just threw some meatballs over the plate in the 2nd inning and it was all over from there. It's like they wanted to have the pressure of a Game 7 for the sake of good television. And to be fair to Philly, it was pretty good television. 

And now the Arizona Diamondbacks will play the Texas Rangers in what many people are calling the most anticipated World Series in the history of sports. My time as a Diamondbacks fan isn't done yet. Thank god. Another week of watching baseball. Fuck yes. And the best thing about this series is I don't have to feel like a total douchebag cheering for the Diamondbacks because I don't know any Texas Rangers fans. I'm sure any minute now I'll get a text from Dave Portnoy asking me to do solo streams for all World Series games in the New York office. Talk about an electric factory. 

So thank you Arizona. I've had a very fun few weeks. Also, I'd be remiss if I didn't thank the good fans of Philadelphia for giving us an unforgettable series. You guys played hard. That Kyle Schwarber is a hell of a ball player. You'll get another crack at the World Series someday. Just not this year. Because you lost to the Diamondbacks.

P.S. I had this blog written in the 7th inning. Never a sweat.