Dumping Them Out: I Ruined A Podcast

I've noticed complaints in the comment section (which over a year into this job I still read religiously and use to determine my worth as a Barstool employee/overall person) that I've been reusing GIFs. This is true. So today, I'm going to actually take the 20 minutes necessary to find some new ones. If anybody has any suggestions for places to find GIFs I would greatly appreciate it. So far, I've just been Google Imaging phrases such as 'hot girl gif', 'bikini gif', 'hot girl bikini gif', 'sexy bikini gif', 'hot sexy gif', 'hot model gif', 'hot bikini beach gif', basically just a bunch of combinations of those words. Sometimes I throw in ethnicities, which always seems kinda racist. But it's not racist at all. It's the opposite of racist. If anything it's inclusive. Anyways, if y'all know anymore words please type them at me.

I saw the Taylor Swift movie on Friday night. Gotta be honest guys, the woman knows how to put on a concert. Pretty good stuff. 

Hubbs suggested to me about a month ago that I should do a blog about the stupidest NY Post or Daily Mail headlines. I keep telling myself I'm going to do it, but for whatever reason never get around to it. Partly because it seems like a bit of a pot calling the kettle black situation. Barstool has their fair share of stupid headlines. But I like to think we're not quite as bad as those guys. 

For example, I stumbled across this article the other day. Barstool blogs about Tik Tok's plenty, but the NY Post will literally find a TikTok of a woman using a cheese grader with couple thousand likes and do a whole ass non-ironic article about it. Although I'd be lying if I said I didn't learn a thing or about shredding foods from this lovely woman.

Actually, now that I've read the article, I think the whole thing is an ad trying to direct traffic to Martha Stewart's website. I wonder if I could start selling my blogs to random companies. I think I'd enjoy that. To just write a bunch of nonsense and see how deep I can get before people realize I'm just pushing some sort of newfangled carpet cleaner. It would be a fun challenge. People would hate it a lot. 

I barged into the Kirk Minihane show this week. That was fun. There were a lot of accusations of me being "drunk" when stormed into Kirk's show to accuse him of doing be dirty. To that I say, no shit. Do you think I ever would have done that completely sober? To just barge in uninvited to the Kirk Minihane Show. That's fucking insane. I'm the most nervous person in all of Barstool. Of course I had some liquid courage. Although the word "drunk" seems kind of unfair. I drank a few High Noons. Which was a sponsor of Surviving Barstool (you're welcome Barstool). But drunk implies I was standing on top of my desk shot gunning bottles of Pink Whitney. I was politely sitting at my desk, sipping watermelon seltzers until I worked up the courage to make a complete ass out of myself in the name of content. For the record, it takes 3.5 High Noons over a short period of time for me to reach that point. I much prefer the phrase, "responsibly lubricated". 

Then the next day I soberly managed to completely fuck up the audio for a Kirk Minihane + Dave Portnoy podcast. Which genuinely might be the worst combination of Barstool employees to fuck something up for. I truly can't think of scarier combination of people to fuck something up for. If I was a worse person, I would say that I was railroaded from the start, and being dealt the hand I was dealt that would have happend 1,000 times out of 1,000. But I will not say that. I could have switched the mics at any point, but was being a pussy about it. I take full responsibility. 

Justin Fields just got hurt and the Bears subbed in a guy named Tyson Bagent. I didn't believe that was a real person. So I Googled him and now I'm even more convinced he's not a real person.

G Fiume. Getty Images.

That's not a real school either. That's a fictional player Madden creates in franchise mode when you don't take the time to import a draft class. Tyson Bagent is unequivocally not a real guy. 

Honestly watching the NFL every Sunday is almost sadistic with the amount of injuries that happen each game. I would like someone (not me) to put together an all-time non-injury team. Like the best team of players who went nearly their whole career without any significant injuries. I'm sure there's a bunch of them out there. I feel like Jerry Rice is one of them. But I swear to god nowadays it seems like every good player misses half a season at least every other year. Justin Fields is out, Christian McCaffery is hurt, Tyreek Hill got hurt, Anthony Richardson hurts a new body part every week. We might never see Deshaun Watson play football again for some fucking reason. It's a bloodbath week in and week out.

Ok, time to find some new GIF's. Wish me luck. I guess by this point you already know if I succeeded at new GIF's or not. The problem is I've done this so many I can't possibly remember which ones I've used. My mind every Sunday is an endless scroll of Boob GIF's, judging which boobs are worthy of my smut blog. That just sounds so creepy when I type it out.