Pray For Ed Werder. Bryce Harper Did A "Throat Slash" Gesture After Hitting A Home Run And He May Never Recover
Tim Nwachukwu. Getty Images.PHILADELPHIA--Asked restaurant host:
"God, did you hear about Bryce Harper?"
"No."
"Did a throat slash after blasting one into the 2nd deck off of Bryce Elder and stared the soul straight out of Orlando Arcia rounding 2nd." Thought he would cry.
I mean can I gotta be honest with ya, gang. I think we might have to postpone game 4 of the NLDS. Ed Werder violently shit his pants and it's gonna take a while to clean this one up. We're talking days at the very least, but likely a few weeks. Just imagine how much fecal matter needs to be flowing through your pants in order to equate anything happening on a baseball field to the atrocities we're seeing in the Middle East right now.
Such a "check mate" tweet from Ed. Impossible to argue with that one. He set it up and knocked that shit straight out of the park. I wouldn't be surprised if Ed Werder gave a little tomahawk chop in his living room after pressing send on that tweet. Not that the tomahawk chop is historically rooted in violence or anything like that, Ed. "Any sense of what's going on in the world around you?". I'm just gonna start saying that to everything I disagree with. Guac cost a little extra at Chipotle? Any sense of what's going on in the world around you?
Anyway, it's just been an incredible postseason of piss baby Atlanta fans once again facing the brutal reality that this Phillies team fucks. They're crying about the playoff format, they're crying about reporters putting quotes out from the clubhouse, and now they're crying about Bryce Harper's homerun celebration that he's been doing forever. I wish nothing but the best for them in their quest to cope.
Sidenote: I've already written like 7 blogs with this exact same premise, but no player in the history of sports has ever been a more perfect fit for their city than Bryce Harper and Philadelphia.