Is Devlin Hot Now?

Large10/10/2023 2:30 PM

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I am ghostwriting this on behalf of all the girls (and at least one specific guy) who work at Barstool.

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("It's supposed to be Barstool SPORTS!")

First off, does everyone know who Devlin is?

No?

Okay… I'll back up a tad.

I should start by saying Devlin is a close friend of mine, so if the tone of this blog becomes overly sarcastic, or drifts into territory that perhaps you find insulting, lighten up… Dev and I are boys.

On top of being involved in all things social media here at Barstool, Devlin is also the guy responsible for all things Rough n’ Rowdy.

So (once again) on top of me dealing with Devlin 4 times a year watching rednecks try to take each other’s heads off in barely legal boxing matches, he also acts as my social media guy on several trips I take covering either fights or races. I am currently with him in Charlotte, NC for the Bank of America Roval 400 for Rubbin' Is Racing where he captured Spider folding like a lawn chair after a sweet nothing was whispered into his ear by WWE's Liv Morgan.

But here’s why I am writing this blog about a guy you barely know and I barely like… Devlin posted this pic on social the other day.

Here's a closeup I found on my wife's phone…

Some historical perspective on this before-and-after… Devlin wasn’t handed a job here at Barstool. He was our 1st ever intern in 2010 with the official title of "Intern Slave". And as Dave was building his empire over the next decade, Devlin was paid peanuts for his contributions.

He stuck with it, and through a work ethic I rarely see nowadays (from myself included), he built himself up into a valuable member of this company’s “team”… And for the first time in a long time, he started to get paid what he is worth.

He had told me about his most recent raise, and I was over the moon that management had given him the recognition he deserved.

Here’s another thing about Devlin… Before he got that raise, he was a doughy slob.

Do I have any right to be throwing around words like “doughy” or “slob” when I too resemble a pile of soiled laundry?… Perhaps not. But I don’t care.

Before his recent transformation, it was safe to say Devlin got most of his wardrobe from FIVE BELOW and he consistently got my vote for “Employee Most Likely To Live In The Office”… Only he would live under his desk out of necessity. Not for some annoying gameshow.

When I first met Devlin, he had long hair, cheap glasses, and absolutely no sense of style. He was the type of guy that Brandon Walker couldn’t help but assault for no reason at all.

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Then something changed.

For reasons unbeknownst to anyone, Devlin decided to do something I have been avoiding for decades: He decided to start eating healthy and exercising regularly. And over a year, it seems that his lifestyle change has paid off…

In that same year, all I have done is put myself on the waiting list for Ozempic.

So now Devlin is kind of ripped. He cut his hair and upgraded his wardrobe. He lives in a much nicer place and is participating in higher-end experiences.

I couldn’t be happier for him because, again, I fucking love the guy and I respect the shit out of him.

But is this formerly frumpy freak hot?

Stu Feiner inexplicably ranked the girls in the office by level of hotness a couple of years ago, and it ruffled some feathers… Women in his top 5 were quietly appreciative while the less attractive (according to Stu) were outraged.

I don’t believe I will receive similar backlash if I were to rank the Hottest Guys At Barstool because guys, for the most part, don’t care, AND guys’ feelings, for the most part, just don’t matter anymore.

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Therefore, I can say comfortably that Caleb’s hair probably puts him at the top of the male co-worker hot list for me, followed closely by the youthful charm of Jetski.

After those two ringers, my list gets a little strange because I have a persistent curiosity about what Klemmer looks like naked, I have always appreciated the cut of Jerry Thornton’s ancient jib, and rounding out my top 5 is probably Wallo simply because I have always had a thing for black guys who’ve been to prison.

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Then along comes old “Dirty Devlin” and my list now needs to be re-jiggered.

No shot he gets the #1 spot unless Caleb does the unthinkable to his luscious mane, and I think Jetski is safe in the 2. But Klemmer, Jerry, and Wallo get bumped here, as Dev moves into the #3 slot.

My only hesitation is his low-baritone voice… Something most women probably find sexy, but I can't help but relate to Buffalo Bill tucking his balls between his legs whilst singing to the fat girl in the bottom of his well.