Travis Kelce Photographed Buying Dutch Masters And Hanging Out In Parking Lot For An Hour Like A God Damn High School Stoner

I don't mean to throw around any wild accusations. We're not about that at Barstool Sports. We'll get duped by fake news on a regular basis, but if there's one thing I know about Barstool Sports it's that we know how to use the "allegedly". The word "allegedly" is your friend. If everything is in alleged, then you can't get sued.

Anyways, I opened up my computer this morning and ran a search for every Taylor Swift/Travis Kelce related word I could possibly think of (as we're contractually obligated to do). Turns out it's Travis Kelce's birthday. Happy 34th T-Rav. But how will Travis celebrate his birthday? The world needs to know. Thankfully there are paparazzi (i.e. heroes) camped outside of Arrowhead Stadium to photograph his every move. 

Again, I would never accuse Travis Kelce of anything. Travis Kelce smoking weed? That's preposterous!! But this Page Six article cracked me up. Pretend this article isn't about Travis Kelce at all. Pretend this article was about a popular, long haired, 17-year old high school quarterback and his teammates hanging out in the parking lot after a football practice. 

Kelce hung out in a stadium parking lot in Kansas City, Mo., with a group of pals, according to photos obtained by Page Six exclusively.

Dressed in a gray T-shirt, red shorts and white Nike sneakers, the athlete arrived in his black SUV at lunchtime and was joined by three other cars, whose occupants got out to spend an hour inside of his vehicle.

Earlier that same day, the Kansas City Chiefs tight end was photographed at a convenience store, where he purchased Dutch Masters cigars.

Now take a look at the pictures. I can't post them here because we don't have the rights, but please take a look yourself.

That makes me nostalgic. When was the last time you hung out with your friends in the parking lot for an hour after practice with a pack of Dutch Masters? It's like he's cosplaying a high school stoner. That's the type of behavior that if your mom's friend saw, she would rat you out to your parents, and you'd have to come up with some bullshit lie to explain what "innocent" activity you and your friends were doing that wasn't smoking weed. 

"Nooo mommmmm we weren't smoking weeeed, Kevin just so happens to be the only person in the history of the world who smokes Dutch Masters as purchased."

Your parents grill you for 10 minutes. They look at your eyes intently to see if they're red. In the end you kind of get away with it, but the whole thing turns into an argument about whether or not Kevin is a bad influence. For the next few weekends your parents track your whereabouts extra closely. Classic high school shenanigans.

For the record weed is legal in Missouri, and basically allowed in the NFL. There's nothing he could get in trouble for. But something about that series of pictures is just funny to me. If only we had a picture of smoke pouring out of his car like in a 90's stoner movie. And maybe if we're lucky, we'll get Travis Kelce addressing the media to say he was NOT smoking weed, and claims the he simply enjoys the smooth, smooth taste of Dutch Masters tobacco.